Nightmare-tom kaulitz

The whole story

We arrive at the hospital and the woman helps me drag Bill's almost completely limp body inside. Doctors come running the moment we step inside. They can see the problem. One of them asks me what happened and I tell them the short version that his wrists got slit by the people who kidnapped us and I sowed the cuts back together with what I could.
And the they take him somewhere we can't go. The woman and I stay in the waiting room until someone tells us that we can see him now. Connie and the others aren't here yet, but seeing Bill looking a little more alive, means everything to me. His skin is almlst back to normal. The makeup has been wiped off and he has clean bandages on his wrists.
He's asleep which I think is good, but I wish I could see his eyes. The beautiful brown eyes.

Laying in the hospital bed like this, without makeup or anything, he looks almost exactly like Tom. Thinking about Tom, I just start crying again. I'm so exhausted that I just collapse on the floor beside the hospital bed.
The woman has left a while ago. I thanked her so many times but she needed to do some other things. Here or not, she was our savior.

"True!" Maggie screams and she falls to the floor beside me and pulls me in for a hug. I don't even have time to process that she is finally here, I just feel at home the moment she touches me. My crying gets worse now.

"They wouldn't... let Tom... go." I say between cries. Maggie looks at me with puppy eyes and I know she has no idea what to tell me. None of them have ever been through something like this and they could never understand how I feel, but that's okay. I don't need them to tell me what to do or feel, I need them to hug me and tell me that I'll be okay.
And that is what they do. Bonnie, Maggie and Connie. All of them gather on the floor in a little ball around me. It might be my happiest and saddest moment at the same time.

***

Georg and Gustav refuse to leave the room where Bill is sleeping. They have been sitting on each side of the bed for hours while Connie, Bonnie, Maggie and I have been playing cards and talking around a table at the back of the room. I won't leave either. And if I don't leave, my friends won't leave.
What felt strangely important to me while sitting there in the hospital, waiting for my recently made best friend to wake up, was time. I looked at the clock every five minutes or so. It probably has something to do with not knowing what time it was at any moment while being held captive. I'm making up for it now.

The doctors kept poking at me too. Some of them wanted to know how I was feeling mentally. Becaude after being kidnapped, it stays in you as trauma, and they wanted to figure out how bad it was for me. But I'm not ready to talk about it enough. I've been keeping myself busy, trying to think about anything but the fact that my boyfriend is still stuck with those evil people. I can't even imagine what they might be doing to him right now.
The doctors tried to make me go to a different hospital bed away from Bill so they could look at me. I don't think I've had much damage to my outer body. I mean there's probably some damage on the inside from getting raped by John and forced to have sex with one of the only men who has a giant dick. How unlucky.
But the doctors can't fix that. One of them agreed for me to stay in the room with Bill while they look at the marks from the taser, but they couldn't do much about that.
They cleaned it and gave me some band aids. Another doctor made all of the others leave the room so I could talk with her while still being around Bill.
I wasn't too happy about getting seperated from them, but it was probably a good idea for me to tell someone about what happened. Someone who isn't close to me and would probably start crying.

"Trudy... tell me about when you got kidnapped. Where were you and how did they look?" The doctor asked, sounding more like she was enterrogating me. But I answered her anyway because it was the easy part.

"The show was done. The fans suddenly went crazy and crawled up on the stage. They ran backstage while screaming like crazy... so we ran because we were scared. We didn't have any security close to us. We went out the back door and when we were almost back by the tour busses... three or four people dressed in all black popped up in front of us..." I tell the woman. I tell her the whole story of how we were knocked out and Bill and I were in the basement together while Tom was someplace unknown.
She asked me about time and place but that was all blank and still is. I don't even think I could find my way back to the house if I tried.

"And this John person... did he rape you?" The woman asks, sounding like she pity me. I think she can see how sensitive this is for me such short time after getting out.
I nod, not wanting to say the words out loud.

"Was that the only time you had sex there?" She asks. The way she phrases the question makes it sound like I was having consentual sex. As if I wanted to.

"Two of them forced Bill and I to... have sex... with each other. Which I didn't want... but that can't really be considered rape, right?" I ask her.

"If you feel like calling it rape sounds accurate, then you can call it that. Otherwise you could just call it forced sex. That was when you got the taser marks?" The woman says, and I nod.

"Trudy... you need to understand that none of this is okay. Rape or not... it was not okay. And Bill didn't enjoy it either from what I can hear. You two have to hold on to each other. You are together with this feeling. And with Tom... you couldn't have done anything go save him. You would have gotten all three of you killed if you tried." The woman says. The way she says it makes it sound like she believes that Tom is dead. Just the thought of that makes me want to throw up.
The tears invade again and I can't hold them back anymore.

"Why won't the police try to find him?" I ask, still crying.

"They decided that you just ran away... but now when you two are back, the police will go looking again hopefully." The woman says. I'm not sure I believe her. Actually, I don't want to tell her more about what happened. It feels like she's invadinh my privacy. She is not helping, she's making it worse.

"Please leave. This isn't working, I need my friends right now. I can deal with this myself." I tell her, fully believing that I can deal with this trauma myself. I've delt with trauma before, I can do it again. I just need the people I love. I'll deal with it all once I have my Tom back.

***