I'm not alone

Chapter Twelve

Two chapters in a day, I rock.

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN

This time I didn't refuse when he offered to accompany me home. Like a navigator a explained to him the way and the thousand of road curves that he had to take to reach my apartment , the building not so new in a quiet alley.

"We're here."

"I had a really good time today, I hope you did too."

"Me too."-I admitted. It was a really special day, and even though my wet clothes made me cold and I would probably get a cold, I thought it was worth it. -"Thanks Roel."- I opened the door to come out of his warm car.

"No kiss?"-I froze. "Friendly, in the cheek. You know... to tell me goodbye. A tiny at all?"- and he winked. How could I say not to that angelic puppy face. I approached him slowly and pecked his cheek. Roel's skin was strangely soft, like a baby's. I had always think that men's skin was rough from the stubborn hair on their face. Just as I was turning to leave he took me by the arm and pulled me to himself and enveloped me in a hug.

 "What are you doing?"- I felt comfortable in his arms, a strange sensation. I didn't trust him, I didn't trust him a bit, he was a stranger but the warmth he provided me was undeniable.

Maybe I was not that different from the other girls, maybe I wasn't that immune of his charms, maybe deep deep down I really liked the care and the interest he showed me.

"Relax Clara. You're so tense."-then I felt his hand on my hair, he was caressing my still wet from the rain hair.

"Roel, I..."

"Shtt, some moments need no words."- he continued to caress my hair, I laid my head on his shoulder and then I was lost in the moment just like a was in the forest earlier. The time had stopped, the world had stopped, it was just the two of us, in his car, with a soft song playing in the background.-" You know, the whole day I wanted to feel your hair. I wanted to know how soft they were."

"They're wet."-I reminded him.

"They're perfect."

"Roel, I think... "-but he had decided to not leave me speak. 

"You're so beautiful when you blush."-Gently without realizing he put his other hand on my cheek and slowly he caressed my face.-" And the whole day I was thinking about your skin."-I was losing the control of the situation, I was losing my self-control, I should have left.

"Clara, don't get away. Don't fight me. I don't want to hurt you, I promise. Don't run away."-he was begging me, and it felt so sincere. But who was I to say if his words were sincere or were just some beautiful lies. -"Close your eyes. I know you feel good too. I know that you like it when I caress and touch you."- I did as he said. I was feeling weak in front of him. It shouldn't have happened, it was so unexpected. No I wasn't feeling good, I was feeling agitated, I was short on breathing, I was dying just like the walls of a room were coming closer together, just as they were approaching and I was there.

I felt him as he was coming closer to me, I was feeling the warmth of his body that was so close to mine, I was feeling his breathing on my lips. I opened my eyes, afraid. His green eyes were burning with an unknown feeling, passion, desire. Suddenly the air around us was so heavy, filled with thousands of emotions. His want and my fear. He wanted to kiss me, no , he couldn't kiss me. I should leave - were my only thoughts- but I felt paralyzed, I couldn't back away from the look that was so intense..

It was the horning of another car that turned us into reality, that awakened me from that moment of hypnosis. I opened the door of the car and left without a glance back, without saying goodbye. I needed air, but the cold air of that afternoon was not enough.

I ran the steps hurriedly, I couldn't wait for the elevator, I opened the door of our apartment breathing with difficulty, with my hands that were trembling. I didn't greet my mom that was worried about me, I ran directly to my room, I threw the bag on the floor and opened the drawer to take my soothing pills. I gulped one and leaning on the cold closet I slipped to the ground, I stayed there sitting on the floor, counting the seconds in my mind, until their effect would come, until I calmed down a bit..

I felt the door opening.

"Where were you Clara?"

"Just coming around mom."

"With whom?"

"With someone, a friend."- I couldn't hide the truth.

"A friend? Since when do you go out with guys and don't tell me?"

"Mom, it's nothing serious."- I didn't have the energy for an argument, for moral.

"I don't want you to be hurt. You leave without saying anything and come back inside like a storm straight to your room. Did he do anything? Did he hurt you?"

"No mother, no. Enough, stop treating like I was her. I am capable of taking care of myself."

"Clara!"- She raised her voice. She didn't like it when I argued about something, when I spoke to her like that, but I needed to stay alone, I needed rest. I needed order.

"Go to her mom. She needs you. Leave me."- she came closer to hug me but I backed from her touch.-"I need to be alone."

"You've taken the pills, haven't you?"

"No."-I lied. If I told her the truth her suffocating preoccupation would be increased more.-"Just leave."

This time she didn't argue and with her sad eyes look that never left her face she left my room. Now I was alone again, again alone to be drowned in the darkness that came from my soul.

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I'm not too proud of this chapter, it's really late and I can't think too much because I'm sleepy.