I'm not alone

Chapter Three

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Chapter Three

-All the way to my house I couldn't calm down myself.In fact , the heavy traffic of the city had made me really anxious.I knocked my fingers endlessly on the soft wheel, that with the pass of time was partly damaged, while waiting for the cars in front of me to move just a little bit.

I constantly opened and closed the windiw, it was not a good sign. I was not quiet at all, I remembered to myself to take deep breaths , to focus all my negative energy into the simple act, breathing.I even closed my eyes after checking that the traffic light in front of me was still red.

Take a deep breath in Clara... now out ... 

No, it wasn't working, perhaps if I did it again it would work, another one, but the symphony of the horns from the cars that stood behind me brought me to reality.

I needed to walk fast, very fast, the speed would calm me down. But I remained in place , in the middle of the traffic and a long queu of cars, that were trying to move as right to left. 

When I finally got home, I crashed the door behind me and quickly ran to my room. I jumped into my bed without thinking long, I grabbed the cushion and screamed at the top of my loungs, again, I knew that nobody would hear me. It was a muffled cry ,even though I was alone.

Mom was at work, Sonya ,my sister was at school and my dad was somewhere around the world. But I didn't feel alone. The loneliness didn't bother me , it calmed me, because there was noone to interrupt me from doing what I want.

I got out of the bed and stood up , I was standing frozen like a statue in the middle of my room, and looked around ever corner. Everything was just as I had left,every paper,every notebook was in its place. The books were on the library, perfectly grouped. I opened the closet, every drawer, the clother were ironed,folded, and stood according to seasons and colours.

Everything was as I wanted to be . It should calmed me down, I should be calmed now, but no. I screamed again .

I knew that the real culprit of all this situation that arrogant boy ,that cheeky bastard.

I closed my eyes, and his face was revealed and it was with the fake smile stamped on his face as a disgusting mask.

I wasn't fine and I couldn't deny it to myself , it would not pass.Maybe I should called my mom , her arms were my refuge , where I could find from the world, where nothing could reach me , I was safe there.

When I finally took a step, I knew that I wouldn't call anyone, but opened the small drawer where I kept my pills. My doctor had instructed me that they were just for emergencies, and that was considered as one.

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The next day 

I was walking to my first class , not I wasn't walking, it was not my usual step, I was running, without looking around, just forward. Some girls waved to me or just smiled , but I couldn't turn the same , I wanted to stay alone , with my thoughts that I couldn't turn off.

"Clara, Clara .."-Lola came beside me .Apparently she was running all the way to get me.

"Lola, not now.Leave me alone."- I saw how the brightness of her eyes was now long gone.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I just want to be alone, okay? Just ,go ."

"Clara , you're making me worried.I've never seen you like this."

"No, you've neser seen me, and I don't want you to see me,so please,Lola go away."Why couldn't she understand that I wanted to be alone? Why was she trying to tear down those walls I've spent so much time building to keep everyone away?She wouldn't like me if she saw who I really was.And she's my friend,I don't want to lose her.

"Okay" she sighed, no smile, no words, she only turned around,leaving me. I watched her walking away from me.I was alone.

I stopped and leaned on the wall of a small builing.I decided to not go to the first lecture ,my first absence. 

I was afraid, afraid to see the hurt in Lola's eyes.She would understand, I would explain to her, when I would feel better. It wasn't her fault, nor mine .It was his fault ,only his. 

I closed my eyes again but the same face, the same smile, the same feeling of disgust arose within me.

Afraid,I opened them again,but his face did not disappear. But this tima, it was not a mirage, he was there,right in front of me.

"Hey, the girl 'I'll smash your car if you don't go away' , how are you?"

"Very good until two seconds ago ,the boy' I hope you've parked the car better today' " and I turned my back,entering the small building ,but he followed me.

"You're not going to ask how is my name?" He spoked softly now.

"No,but I'm going to ask you, why are you not in class now?"

"The same question applies to you."

"I was late"

"But you still have 7 minutes long before school starts. You could say without shame that you wanted to be a bad girl. I like bad girls." I heared as he laughed at his own absurd joke."I'm Roel" I countinued to walk forward, in a hallway I've never been before. "Hey could be more polite, it wouldn't be a crime" -and when he spoke this time, hurt was evident in his voice.

I stopped, but I couldn't turn back to look in his eyes, I couldn't bare to see hurt in someone's eyes just like with Lola.

"Sorry." Wait, did I just say sorry to this stranger? The boy who has caused all this?

"I see , you could say good things sometimes too."

"Don't learn to live with this"

"How should I adress to you?"

"I don't want you to adress to me" I said harshly.

"I can't understand .I'm not trying to eat you , I just want to know you, you look interesting to me and I wanted to know you." Now he had a serious face on. 

"Well..." he didn't let me finish my sentence.

"In fact, I used the wrong tense. You seemed interesting, I wanted to know you. But I gave up , your can do a happy dance now." And this time he didn't wait for an answer and simply left. And with his each step , it felt like he took with him that bitter feeling.

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I  know , I know ,short chapters  . When I get more reads I'm going to post longer chapters I promise :D

Anyway , I hope you like this chapter.

Love and hugs , ERA x