Broken Mate

Chapter Eight

Alexander Willams

I got discharged an hour ago, and we walked home. Dad said I needed some fresh air. It wasn't too bad, but I could feel the uneasiness in Knox and we're not even mated.

Once we got inside, dad ushered us into the living room. Pops left to go get pizza and wings, my comfort food. Dad is doing something upstairs, I think setting up a space in my room for Knox.

Knox and I are sitting on the couch, im sitting cris cross and he's sitting so fucking tense it makes me uncomfortable.

Glancing at him again, he turns towards me. "What?" he asks, locking his fingers together in his lap.

"You seem tense"

"I'm in my newly found mate's home, after spending days in the hospital with him. I'm 28 years old, sitting in a kids house. A kid that's my mate. Things are just settling and it feels.. Off" he spews out, and my heart clenches.

Not enough.

"I'm not a kid." is all I can think to say, and Knox nods.

"You may not be mentally, but you just turned 18. You're just legal. It may not be our normal, but I do work with humans, and it is normal there. It rubs off on you"

"I get that" I mumble, even though I'm not sure I do get it. Maybe.

Not enough

"I'm just adjusting, that's all" he murmurs, his gray eyes flicking between mine. "I'm tired, too. Hungry. I don't know what you're thinking, how you're actually feeling. That's hard too" he admits, and I can feel the honesty in his words.

"I'm okay" I lie, but it comes out smooth. Easy. "Tired and hungry too" is a partial lie. I am tired, but my anxiety is tugging on my nerves, circling my stomach and holding it hostage.

"So can we just agree to start fresh tomorrow? After we both get some good rest and food?" he asks, his words holding so much hope.

I wonder if he knows I'm hopeless. That he can try all he wants, there's no changing me. No saving me.

Nodding my head, I agree anyway. Because it'll put him at ease, because it'll make him

feel better. Because all I want is to make everyone around me happy, even if I always fail.

—-

We all eat, dad trying to force a conversation and pops grunting. He's tired. When he doesn't have a lot to say, it's usually after an intense training session. The intense training this time just happens to be me. Dealing with me.

After dinner, dad and pops ask if we need anything. Dad says he's exhausted, and Pops say he needs a nap. I tell them I'm fine, really. Go to bed. They do, and it leaves me with Knox.

"Listen..I need a shower, I'm sure you want a shower. I don't think it's best if we separate. So we're going to sit in the bathroom while the other showers. I know it's not going to make you feel great, but i won't be able to take a proper shower if we don't do it this way" he says it all like word vomit, and i think this is the first time i've seen him so anxious.

"I'm okay with that. Just maybe wait to come into the bathroom til I'm in?"

"Course" he murmurs.

"You first, or me?" I ask, going to my dresser to get some clothes. Knox's sister, my teacher brought him a duffle bag of stuff, and a backpack. Not sure what's all in it, but he has some of his own things.

"You are fine" he says, as he goes through his bag getting his own clothes. I make my way to the shower, turning on the water. I wait til it's ready, before going back to my room.

"Gonna get in now. Give me like a min "I murmur, before going back and quickly stripping. I step in the hot sprayer, letting out a deep breath.

I'm not ready for him to see me naked. As a werewolf I heal fast, but my old scars were so deep there's still faint bumps and scars. The same on my arms. I'm just not ready for him to see that part of me.

He'll see the ones on my arms, and those don't feel as sensitive. Because he was the one that found me. But the old ones? I don't even want to think about his face when he sees the scars.

There's not a few. There's dozens. My thighs are covered. My stomach. My thoughts are cut off when the bathroom door shuts and a "You okay?" pulls me out.

"Yeah" I murmured, getting my hair wet. I take my time shampooing my hair, and washing my body. Enjoying the hot water, enjoying the thoughtless numbness my mind is pulled into. I don't know if it's because Knox is on the other side of the curtain, or because these last couple days have just been a lot.

But the numbness is welcomed, and it feels good.

Deciding I've been in here long enough, I shut off the water. Reaching my hand out, grabbing my towel from the hook, I dry my hair, then wrap the towel around my waist.

"Can you leave so I can get dressed?" I ask.

"Yeah, of course" he says before making his leave. I get out, and get dressed.

Then I go to my room, letting him know he can. He does the same thing I did, turning on the water and coming back to tell me to wait a minute then come in. Though i think he did it more for me then him.

Before long, we're getting ready for bed. We brush our teeth together, and then he's getting settled on the air mattress on the floor in my room. Close, but still gives me space.

I get settled in bed, pulling out a journal. Knox does something on his phone, as I write the date and begin writing.

I came home today. I was in the hospital again. I tried to kill myself, again. But I never do it right, because I should go for my neck. But I never can. So I cut deep, hoping I'll hit something, I never do. But my mate, Knox. He stayed with me the whole time. He gives me this numbness, this break from my head. I never thought I'd have. I'm thankful for him. I'm thankful for my dad, and pops. For my brother, and my sister. My family.

Closing the journal, I tucked it back in the drawer by my bed. "Good if I turn off the lights?" I ask.

"Yeah, going to bed?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah" he murmurs, and I turn off the light. Then i'm turning to my side, and closing my

eyes. It doesn't take long for darkness to take over.

—-

"It's okay angel, wake up" I hear his rough voice, as my eyes blink. Blink, blink, blink. It's dark, but I can make out his silhouette. He's in my bed, holding me between his legs. My brows furrow, as I start to sit up.

My throat is raw, like I was screaming. Maybe I was? I don't know. But then Knox is wiping my checks with his thumbs, and I realize they're wet. I was crying? I don't remember anything.

No nightmares, nothing. "You were screaming" he murmurs gently, "And crying. Tossing around all over."

So I was screaming, which is why my throat feels scratchy. All I can manage is a nod. "Do you want me to stay here?" he asks, and all I can do is nod. He moves me over, like I weigh nothing. He lays down, getting comfy. He pulls me back into his body, wrapping his arm around my middle. Holding me close.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, after a few moments of silence.

"I'm not sure what happened. I don't even remember anything "I whisper, closing my eyes. I'm exhausted.

"Okay.. well if you remember. I'm here" he tacks on, and then silence takes over.

I know he's awake for a while. I can tell by his breathing. I don't know how long we lay there, in silence. But my mind settles into the cozy numbness. My eyes flutter, and my mind slips away into peace. One last thought crossed my mind.

Not enough. 

A/N

He breaks my heart. I can't wait for him to start healing. I love him :(

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