𝔻𝔸𝕃𝕀𝔸ℍ

𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦

Ramadan is in a week and honestly it is very easy for me because I practically fast everyday, well until Hashim made me change my habit and I actually think it won't be as easy as usual but what choice do I have.

I was sitting on my balcony in the evening when Hashim came into my room. I waited for him to come to the balcony before I turned to look at him. He leaned down and pecked my lips, something he has been doing often recently then he moved to seat on the chair beside me.

"What are you doing?". He asked and I shook my head.

"Just". He nodded and looked around. He looked nervous and I thought he wanted to say something.

"Are you done with your work?". I asked him and he looked at me.

"Yes". He didn't say anything after but usually he'll tell me something about what he did.

I didn't urge him, I don't think Hashim is someone that will not speak something on his mind. Well, he's not like that with me so...

"Daliah". He called.

"Hmm?". I didn't look at him. I stared at the stars.

"Khadija and I are going for hajj this weekend". I looked at him, well there it is. He was waiting for me to comment but I didn't say anything.

"I wanted three of us to go but I decided we'll go this year and both of us will go next year. Is that okay with you?".

"If I say no will you change your mind". He stared at me silently.

"I don't mind. I wish you both a safe trip". I don't mind. I've somehow grown attached to him, even if I don't see him everyday I speak to him everyday and see him every two days, that's okay but a whole month or more?

"Daliah..". He trailed off.

"I think you should go to Abuja or I can call someone to stay with you". I looked at him and fought with myself not to be sarcastic. I know he didn't exactly do anything wrong but I'm angry and I think it is justified, because why do I have to share him.

"No, I'll be fine". He sighed as if knowing I'll say that.

"I know you'll be fine but still".

"I just want to be alone". I said firmly, I didn't think he'll give in but I think he guessed I was already annoyed so he didn't say anything.

"Let's go inside, you'll catch a cold".

"I'll come in later". He sat for another minute before standing up.

I didn't turn to look but I waited to hear my room door closed. Instead he leaned down behind me and kissed the side of my head.

"Goodnight". He whispered and left after.

I sighed and willed myself not to cry. I am trying not to imagine a month without him which was very hard but I didn't cry, when I got tired of sitting outside I went inside and laid on my bed.

That was the last time I saw him. They left on Friday, he told me and left a message wishing him a safe trip.

Halima called me and I had a feeling what she was going to say but I still picked her call.

"Ni matsala na da ke Kenan. Come and stay with me you refused".

"It's not like that. I cannot travel when I'm fasting".

"If I... Since before Ramadan started I told you to come to Abuja you refused".

"Sorry".

"Ni dai, you'll come next week because my due date is upper week".

"Okay".

"Have you two spoken since they left?". She asked.

"Me and who?".

"Your husband now".

"He messaged me that they had arrived safely but I haven't called him".

"Then do so when we're done". I rolled my eyes.

"Okay".

"Keh sai anjima. Call him now fa".

"Okay". She hung up after and I dialed Hashim's new number he had sent to me.

If I didn't call him she'll probably send faruq to come and take me to Abuja. He didn't pick the call but almost immediately he called back but it was a video call. Oh.

"Good evening". I dropped my phone on the bed to face the ceiling.

"How are you?".

"I'm fine".

"I called to see your face not the ceiling, Daliah". He told me. I picked the phone and held it before my face. He smiled.

"Better. What did you have for iftar?".

"Uh..".

"Daliah".

"My stomach hurts so I only had fruits I'll eat later". That's a lie.

"You have to eat something after fasting, I don't want you landing in the hospital when I'm not there".

"I'll be fine".

"I know you'll be".

"I might go to Abuja next week to stay with halima".

"That's better". I nodded and he just stared at me after that.

"What?".

"Nothing, I just.. I miss you". I stared at him for a few seconds.

"I have to go and pray Isha".

"Goodnight". He said and I nodded then hung up.

I sighed and dropped the phone. I should have said it back right? Well, I did, I do so I should have said it but doesn't really matter whether I say it or not I know I do.

I stood up and left my room and walked to Hashim's. I've slept in his since they left, I felt like if I didn't perceive or just keep his things close I'll feel like his drifting away. I feel depressed and I had actually thought I could stay alone but I think I have to go to Abuja before I die of loneliness and depression.

The next few days was the same, I ordered some junks and pizza I'd use for iftar. I only take water and dates for sahur and I packed my things. I had no idea how long I'll be there for but I can always borrow halima's clothes and I think I have some at home. Still I packed a lot. A large suitcase, medium and small,both a kit. It was literally a whole set.

On a Friday, faruq came to pick me. I had insisted on getting a driver but he refused, so he came in the morning and we left after he rested a little.

"Are you even eating at all?". He said as he started the car.

"You've said that already faruq".

"I know, but... Let Baba and halima see you. One week kawai duk kin shanye". I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my seat.

I sent a message to Hashim that we had hit the road and sent one back wishing a safe journey.

The ride was just a normal tiring one. Not really boring as faruq talked my ears off.

Hours later, I was receiving a scolding from Baba. He complained that Hashim wasn't feeding me well and he was going to call him. I told him not to. I went to my room which wasn't really changed to rest before iftar, I was really tired.

I had fallen asleep and only woken when batool came to call me down for iftar. I prayed and went downstairs. The dining table was filled and I wondered where all that food will go into. I sat down and served myself.

"Look at what you're eating. Ki Kara mana". Baba urged.

"I will". A lie. I doubt I can even finish this.

Iftar was quiet and boring as usual. It was what I was missing, not just Hashim. I should have listened and come earlier but it's okay. I haven't had iftar like this, with family in a very long time i really enjoyed it.