BROKEN THINGS

17

"Mum and Dad want to talk to you"

The sentence managed to invade the clouded blanket around his brain, to send a signal straight to his heart. His breath caught in his throat. He needed to do something. He needed to say something. But what? How could he refuse the people who had cradled him through terrifying nights. Who had treated him as their own, slowly taking the place of the hazy faces he had been born in the arms of. How could he refuse them?

But how was he supposed to face the people whom he had betrayed? Whose son he had caused so much pain? How could he even dare to listen to their voice when he had kicked the very hand that had fed him? 

What was he supposed to do?

So he did nothing and just stared. Stared as Sourav advanced towards him, the phone held out. It came within reach, enough that he could hear faint noises from it. But Rahul didn't grab it and hold on to it like the lifeline it was, like he wanted to. He didn't run away and hide from it like he wanted to. He just stared at it.

Sourav sighed and put it on speaker and sat down beside Rahul.

"Mom, Dad. It's on speaker. He is listening,".

"Rahul? Are you there?" His mother's voice was soft and strong at once but he could hear the tremble beneath. He could hear his father clearing his throat gruffly in the background. Rahul just stared. Transfixed.

"Baby, please talk to us?" his mother pleaded, "Please tell us you are okay?"

Rahul opened his mouth. How could he refuse her?

No sound came out of his mouth. He closed it anguished, clutching at his recently bandaged thigh, trying to dig as much pain from the cut as he could. Anything. Just anything that could hold the wrenching of his heart at bay.

Sourav took pity on him and said finally, "Ma, he is really drugged up right now. I don't think he can form replies right now,".

He heard a stifled sob on the line. Ma was really trying to hold it together for him. And here was Rahul. Making her cry. He bit his lips hard. The pain was just not enough.

"But he can listen right?" This time it was his father.

"Y-yeah," Sourav answered hesitantly.

"Rahul. You are coming home as soon as possible okay? Enough of your childish feud with your brother. It shouldn't have gone on for this long, you are the sensible one, kid. How did you let this happen? Nevermind that now. You come home as soon as you can get it? Sourav you are listening too. Get him home. How long till you can leave?"

"A week atleast Dad,".

"Ok then. In a week's time I want you both back. Got it?"

Sourav nodded, sneaking a look or two at Rahul's face, "Yes Dad,".

"And Rahul?" Rahul did not answer so Mr. Ganguly continued, "Buddy, try not to give us more heart attacks okay?" the older man's voice wavered, "We are getting a little old kiddo, this is a nasty surprise to give your old parents. Let's avoid it yeah?"

His father was trying to lightheartedly coax an answer out of him, silly jokes which would have made him snort or roll his eyes. But he could hear the fear in his voice. In his endlessly strong father's voice. Because of him. Rahul's vision blurred with tears. He wished he could just say anything to them, give them what they wanted- his voice. But sound refused to leave his throat. It could not dare to stray near the ears of the people who had sheltered him for so long. So he swallowed and stared longingly. If he could only have all that again.

But he couldn't. He himself had made sure he would never deserve it.

"Sourav," his father sounded helpless. Pleading.

"Dad," Sourav grimaced, "He is recovering Dad. I- a lot has happened. He is just tired. He will talk to you guys soon okay? Just give him a little time,".

He heard his father draw a breath, "Yeah. yeah. You are right. Umm. We will let you two rest. Take care both of you. And no more fighting okay?" he made one last attempt at drawing a response from his youngest but it was useless. Rahul made no sound.

Sourav huffed, trying to cover the obvious silence, "Sure. As if we wanted to. We will call you soon okay? Bye. Love you."

Rahul's heart as they hung up. He wished they wouldn't. He wished he could keep hearing their voices like that forever. Rahul did not remember lying down, but lying down he was, face pressed into the soft pillows. The sleep which had nearly engulfed him was all but gone as his yearned for the comfort of his parents arms. But he was undeserving. Ungrateful. It felt like the first day he had spent as the ward of the Gangulys. He had been wary of them. But oh so needy for them. Their comfort. He wished he could sink into their comfort forever and erase the wariness forever. But he only had brought it back. He had left them. Betrayed them and theirs. Ungrateful. So ungrateful.