BROKEN THINGS

41

After a long comtemplative silence, Rahul finally spoke, his voice more a whisper than anything else, "What do you want to know?"

Sachin shook his head, "Not here, let's go to your place,".

He knew that Rahul knew exactly why he was demanding that, he could see the protest forming, the argument loading. But he shifted the phone in his hand and Rahul instantly froze. It felt terrible to force him this way, to use his weakness against him. But Sachin- Sachin couldn't lose this man again. He couldn't. He didn't care if this was going to fracture the trust between them forever. Their relationship was anyway gone, this would just be another wound in it's tatters.

"Sachin," Rahul breathed out before lowering his head, "Fine. But you will give me your phone," he made the last ditch attempt at getting back some control.

"I will give it to you as soon as we are at your place," Sachin promised, not really trusting Rahul to not take off with the phone. Both brothers were sneaky, stubborn and would use every resource in their grasp to get their way and he was very well versed in that fact.

Rahul scowled in frustration, but there were no further arguments. Just absolute silence, in the cab, on the stairs and then infront of the door as Rahul fumbled with the keys. Sachin almost felt like he wasn't even breathing anymore, the anticipation and Rahul's presence causing his heart to race so fast, it felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.

"Wait a minute, it's a bit of a mess," Rahul mumbled after unlocking the door.

"Mess and you? Please. What, left a shirt on the chair or something?" Sachin scoffed, trying to lighten the mood before the undoubtedly heavy conversation.

Rahul smiled humorlessly, looking at his grip on the doorknob, "The Rahul you remember from two years ago and the Rahul that I am are different Sachin," he opened the door and stepped inside, turning back to look at him, "Wait,".

Sachin watched the door swing shut. The Rahul that he remembered... there was so much going on that he didn't even know where to begin. And here was Rahul. Adding more questions to the never ending list. Rahul reopened the door two minutes later, having dealt with whatever mess he didn't want to show, leading him inside.

It was a pretty dull and depressing place, a stark contrast to his Bangalore home which was so tastefully decorated by trinkets Rahul had collected along the years. This flat, it didn't just look empty with it's sparse furniture; a small table in the kitchen/dining area and a single couch in the living room area. It felt empty too. There was nothing on the cream colored walls, nothing on the kitchen counter. The sink looked untouched and dry. He walked in slowly, strolling towards the bedroom as Rahul fetched them water. The bedroom too looked empty. No lamp on the bedside table, none of Rahul's books littering any space, no little notes he was so used to seeing the man scribble. Any living space tended to look lived in. The entire place instead, felt like it had never held a human within its walls, let alone house one for two months.

He wondered absent mindedly if there could even be a mess in such a hollow place. Atleast if Rahul had left the mess be, Sachin would have felt less like he was standing in an abandoned plot. But then again, this was Rahul. Rahul hated others seeing his messes, keeping places freakishly clean if they were to be visible to others. He was the kind to have a nightmare cupboard, but a spotless bedroom.

"Have a seat," Rahul was watching him with keen eyes from the dining table.

Sachin walked over slowly, "Lovely place,".

Rahul snorted, "Sure,".

Sachin cracked a smile, "No really, the walls have a lovely shade- what is it called, cream-"

"It's called faded, dirty, painted god knows when, white,".

They caught each other's eyes and snickered, the sound both heartening and heartbreaking to Sachin's soul. It sobered him up real fast. He hadn't heard that laugh in so long, he had forgotten what it sounded like. When was the last time he had just talked absolute nonsense with Rahul, with the man he had called bestfriend, love, his everything. How had they gone from knowing each other's soul, to forgetting how the other's laugh sounded like. He had forgotten what Rahul's beautiful laugh sounded like.

"How do you live in this place?" he asked, trying to distract himself with false upbeatedness, "A hospital is more lively,".

Rahul gave him that horrible humorless smile. Sachin swallowed and looked away

"What do you want to know?"

Sachin let out a small breath, "Everything. I want to know what conversation Chappel and you had. I want to know how he ever got the courage to attack you like that," Rahul tensed but Sachin rolled on, "It couldn't have been out of nowhere. That rat wouldn't have gotten the guts to do that out of nowhere. Why weren't you fighting back. Why did you run away. Why can't you come back. I want to know everything," he leaned closer and added, "You have to tell me everything,".

Rahul's fingers were tapping away anxiously on the table but nothing else betrayed the way his heart was dropping down into a void, the hollowness in his chest twisting and wrenching with each question. Sachin wanted to know everything. Sachin didn't know just what everything would entail, what it would do to him. He thought he could handle the truth but Rahul knew. Rahul knew it would destroy him. It would destroy all of them. How could he possibly do that to them? To the people who pieced to together to form his small, terrible heart.

Sachin caught his hesitation and shook his head decisively, "Remember the deal Rahul. I am dead serious,".

"You won't like it,".

"I don't care,".

There was no way around this. Not if he wanted to hurt Sourav again, which he couldn't. It was bad enough that he had to break Sachin's heart yet again. But if he hurt his brother even once more, it was going to kill him. He couldn't.

He sighed and crossed his arms on the table, lowering his head for a second to mentally prepare himself before looking up, asking steadier than he felt, "What do you remember about the early months of my captaincy?"

"You mean the time you threw Sourav out?" Sachin asked, frowning.

Rahul closed his eyes at the reminder before reopening them, "Yes. That. But also the time before and after. Until we left for the Pakistan tour. Do you remember the night ... the night on the rooftop a week before I got the captaincy? Our last-" his voice shook at this part, "Our last date?"

Sachin nodded slowly, a sudden fear gripping his heart wondering if it was going where he thought it was. Rahul though, was smiling. It was an incredibly sad smile, nostalgic, melancholic, heartbroken.

"It had been so freaking hard to find time alone remember? We were both either busy or with one team or another. But then that perfect day came, meetings cancelled. Your domestic match got cancelled and suddenly we were both in the same city, both free,".

"And you couldn't sit inside on our one free day," Sachin too found himself getting lost in the memory, a small lump forming in his throat, "Never can sit idle can you?".

Rahul shrugged, "The sky was just so clear, the weather so pleasant. Didn't ask you to follow me,".

"I will always follow you... wherever you go" Sachin swallowed roughly.

Rahul looked like he may just cry but he didn't. Instead he leaned back, staring at his own hands.

"It started then," Rahul whispered, "We had thought we were alone," he looked up solemnly as Sachin heart continued to sink.

"We hadn't been,".