Soulmates

Chapter 51-Grief, and demons.

Based on 4x17, "Demonology."

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, Talks of possible demonic possession (Personally I'm an agnostic on this subject but I know there are people out there who do believe in this and take it seriously so that's why it's a trigger warning.)

Ryan had been seeing Dr. Stark for over five weeks now, and while progress was slow... it was going nonetheless. "So, have you talked to your sister at all? Since you that case in Dayton?" Dr. Stark asked. He was sitting in a chair by his desk while Ryan sat on the couch. Ryan had told him about the instances of his last two panic attacks. He had also opened up about his high school life and career. Though he hadn't fully opened up about his childhood yet. All Dr. Stark knew was that Ryan's mother had died and that he was estranged from his sister for a decade after that and was still estranged from another brother, though that wasn't by choice.

Ryan nodded, "Yeah. I spoke to her two days ago. She's gonna come up for a visit in a month or two and stay for a couple of days." He informed. Dr. Stark nodded, "And how do you feel about that?" He pressed. Ryan exhaled, "On the one hand, I feel glad that we are healing the divide, on the on the other... I can't help but feel ashamed that it took a case to get us back into contact." He said.

Dr. Stark nodded, "Reconnecting is a huge part of healing, but that doesn't make it easy." He said. Ryan nodded in agreement. "Do you ever feel like you wish you could turn back time, Ryan?" Dr. Stark asked. Ryan shook his head, "You can't turn back time." He said simply. "Yes. But do you ever wish that you could turn back times and do things differently?" Dr. Stark reiterated his question.

Ryan sighs, "I guess there are some things I would like to change. I wouldn't shut my sister or my other brother out. But other than that, I wouldn't say there's a lot I would change. Hell, I don't even know how to change stuff if I could go back." He said. Dr. Stark found that interesting, "So you would say that you're satisfied with your life?" He asked.

Ryan shrugged, "It's funny. My mom used to say that "You live the life that God meant for you to live." He recounted. Dr. Stark raised an eyebrow, "And what do you say about that?" He asked. Ryan thought and then said, "God may help the helpless, but we also need to do our part and help ourselves." He said and then laughed, "That actually reminds me of something that Linda used to say, "If God did everything for us, then how would we learn."

Dr. Stark smiled and laughed, "Sounds like your wife was quite the philosopher." He commented. Ryan couldn't help but burst out laughing and nodded, "That she was. She definitely had a way of looking at life through an optimistic horoscope." He said.

Dr. Stark nodded, "And what about you, Ryan? Do you look at life with optimism?" He asked. Ryan thought and then shrugged, "Some days I do. Some days I don't. Depends on what type of day it is." He said. Dr. Stark nodded, "Sounds like my wife." He said.

Ryan laughed before trailing off. He then got a thoughtful look on his face, "I... Uh... You know I got asked out, like a week ago." He informed. Dr. Stark raised an eyebrow, "Really?" He asked. Ryan nodded, "Well, it wasn't direct. She gave me her card and said to call her." He said. Dr. Stark nodded, "How do you feel about that?" He asked. Ryan shook his head, "I don't know, I mean, it's almost been a year since Linda died, and I still don't feel ready to jump into anything yet." He said.

Dr. Stark nodded, "Everybody has different timing when it comes to moving on." He said, sympathizing with Ryan. "I'm not sure I want to move on." He said. "Is there something about moving on that scares you?" Dr. Stark pressed. Ryan shrugged and rubbed his head, "Not scares me per say. But I want to honor Linda's memory, and more importantly, I don't want the kids to forget her. I just don't want it to seem like I'm trying to replace her." He stated.