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CHAPTER FIFTEEN ( No Alarms & No Surprises )
IF THERE IS one thing Cha Jaehwa will never understand, it is the interconnectedness of her relationships with one another.
When Ahn Suho or Yeon Si-eun became Ahn Suho and Yeon Si-eun, Jaehwa will never know. If she thinks of one, the other is not far behind in her mind.
Then comes Oh Beomseok. Cha Jaehwa feels bad, but she cannot bring herself to love him as much as she loves Suho and Si-eun. If they are Summer and Autumn, perhaps Beomseok is just like Jaehwa — A calloused Winter in which everything fades away into imperceptible white — And that is the reason she cannot see him in the same way she does the others. He is still just a fragment of the boy he might've once been, and Jaehwa knows that pain all too well, but not nearly enough to wish upon it a second time.
There is still no school for Jaehwa. She doesn't bother asking to go, knowing that Boram and Si-woo will not allow it. They have her best interests at heart, but the longer Jaehwa stays inside the house, the more she feels as though she is losing the strings she's grasping onto, withering away into nothing more than a fading breath from the exhale of her lungs.
Si-eun, undoubtedly the smartest of the three boys, does Jaehwa the favor of tutoring her for the small price of company during the nights when his apartment is empty and too cold for any one human to live in. Boram approves of Si-eun — Calls him a sweet, smart boy — And allows this revelation as long as Jaehwa gets home before curfew.
On the days where they sit beneath the flickering kitchen lights, Jaehwa feels as though she has known the boy for an eternity, and wishes to know him for an eternity more.
( But good things are never meant to last, and Cha Jaehwa tends to self-destruct and ruin those around her ).
Si-woo is set on getting the amnesiac to remember small details after the fluke a few days prior, and Jaehwa feels too small inside the house when he lets slip a frown or any sort of gloomy expression.
( Jaehwa forgets with the washing of the light that cleanses her. She is not their daughter. Not fully ).
She finds a second home within the gym. Ahn Suho is always welcoming, and so are his — Their — friends, all who stare at Jaehwa with that saddened glint in their eyes. Jaehwa does not doubt that Suho has told them parts of her situation, because they don't act as though they know her anymore. They are a distant foggy memory, even now, and Jaehwa wishes that she could've kept her secret hidden from them a little longer, if not to feel normal once more.
But those surrounding her are kind, their words honeysuckle to her poisoned ears, and Jaehwa begins to fall in love with living. She begins to crave the morning sun and its warm embrace, the small touches of wind against her face, and the smiling faces of those she has learned to call friends.
