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CHAPTER THIRTEEN ( It Hurts To Be Something )
JAEHWA STILLS WHEN warmth surrounds her, cold weeping face with plenty of tears shed and rubbed raw by the wind.
Ahn Suho is unbearably warm, and he holds Jaehwa as though she is made of stone, trying to break her, to break through that tough exterior in hopes of finding the Jaehwa he knows.
Jaehwa thinks that in the fleeting lifetime she has known him — Ahn Suho has never once shed a tear. And it's alarming and exhilarating all the same, watching his cheeks stain red and his eyes grow sad.
Cha Jaehwa knows that Ahn Suho has never hated her. He has only hated her in words, but never once has his heart wavered from its bleeding rhythm of professing his unyielding truth.
( Ahn Suho is nothing more than a boy, and boys cannot stop loving what has stolen their heart and breath the first time ).
"I should've told you earlier," She confesses, and her voice cracks in all the worst places, but still she clings to Ahn Suho as though she knows he will never let go.
"We fought that day." Suho's voice is meek, bleeding through Jaehwa's shirt in a mixture of snot and sweat. "I thought you hated me this whole time."
( Ahn Suho has never been the bad guy. For today, he'd much rather prefer being the villain with the Moon in his grip than the hero with the Sun at his back ).
Jaehwa laughs sourly, and it feels clogged in her throat and dull to her own ears. She can't say anything, because the summer sun is too bright and her body is slowly being drained.
She says nothing, but clings tighter to Ahn Suho in an attempt to steal his warmth for herself. Maybe then, she can be molded into the Spring she had once been, and flowers might bloom atop the desolate chambers of her mind and wrecked body.
With Ahn Suho, such possibilities grow infinitely larger, as though he is the Sun himself, ebbing Winter into Spring.
"Sorry," She murmurs because that is all she can say when she knows nothing of the pain she has brought upon.
( Ahn Suho's suffering is only one of many strings attached to that ugly scar on the back of Cha Jaehwa's head. Her memories hinder their happiness, and she wants, she wants nothing more than to feel again ).
Bitter tears fall from Jaehwa's eyes, and Ahn Suho is there to gently wipe them away. He ignores her apology, because it means nothing to him other than a placeholder for something that isn't there. There is no reason for an innocent girl to apologize for something that works far beyond just Ahn Suho and Cha Jaehwa.
