I'm Not Crazy (ZaDR)

8

“Oh. Well.” Zim swallowed. He looked back at GIR. “Well, it had to be done.” At least it wasn’t me.

He’ll be ok.

Right?

Zim shook his head. He would have died from a fall like that. Maybe humans are stronger? Zim has observed humans for a long time. They are weak and inferior. If Zim would die from that fall… There’s no way that the Dib survived.

And Zim knew it.

“GIR… I…” Zim couldn’t find any words. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say. There’s nothing he can say. Or do. His Dib is gone.

There’s nothing he can do.

--Dib’s POV--

“HOLY FUCK.” Dib hissed. He tried to steady his breathing, and looked down. Below him was a drop sure to kill him.

Dib took a deep breath. He was holding onto the back of the throne using a deep indent, made from the throne being so poorly built. He watched as a small bug crawled onto his arm. He tried to blow it off, but it didn’t budge.

“I’m gonna die.” Dib whispered to himself. “Fuck.” He hadn’t thought about what to do after this point.

He never thought Zim would actually try to kill him. Send him to some kind of space jail, or another planet, yeah. But kill him?

Dib wondered if Zim even cared that he was ‘dead’.

Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe Dib is wrong. Maybe he’s just an animal. An alien sent to destroy Earth with no emotions at all. Like a robot. He has a task, and doesn’t care what he has to do to finish the job. 

But Dib had seen it with his own eyes. He can be upset. He can be happy.

He faked it. 

It was a realization that hurt. But Dib knew it had to be the answer. He faked it to get closer to Dib and learn about the humans. So that he could kill Dib and take over Earth. That was his plan all along.

Dib’s hand began to slip. He didn’t notice.

He can’t feel love. Nor hate. He feels nothing. He’s like an animal. 

Dib’s love was one-sided after all.

Nights he’d spent, thinking about when he’d confess to the green boy. Zim would say that he liked Dib too. It would be perfect. He didn’t like the thoughts of it, but they were there. Dib knew he loved Zim. Maybe he didn’t want to admit it to anyone… not even himself. But he knew it was true.

So it hurt. Knowing that what he wanted could never be a reality. 

Zim would never love Dib. 

He never would. Never could.

Dib’s hand began to slip again. Dib noticed this time. He didn’t care.

Maybe he should let go. Let Zim win. What’s the point? He was always going to win eventually. Dib was all by himself against this-- this thing.

Dib stopped to listen to Zim.

“GIR. We’re moving on to phase three of my plan.”

“What’s phase three? Are we gonna make tacos!?” 

“No, GIR. No tacos.”

“Dib said he’d make tacos.”

“What?”

“... I forgot!”

“... Whatever.”

He doesn’t care. He’s moved on. Dib was nothing to Zim. Dib had decided.

Why save Earth anyway? It’s not like anyone will notice. Nobody will notice if he saved the Earth. Nobody will notice anything he does. And if they do, it’s because he’s crazy.

That’s all he’ll ever be. A crazy lunatic.

A crazy lunatic that nobody except his sister cares about.

A sister whose death is on his hands because of his obsession.

He wouldn’t have to live with that guilt if he wasn’t alive.

Dib let go.