Jamie was never a girl named Ashley, he was always a boy- a young sweet boy. But unfortunately, in this cruel world, he had to hide who he was. But as high school began, he swore to be himself and not let anyone stop him. A demisexual, omnisexual, t...
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"Ashley, Ashley! Wake up!" the woman's voice woke up the young boy. "Yes, mom!" he shouted before turning around in bed to face the ceiling. A tear rolled down his cheek. He fucking hated that name. "Well it's time for school, I guess." he said and instantly hated it. He hated his voice so much. He wiped the tears off his face before getting off the bed and heading to the shower.
Today would be the first day of freshman year of his high school (9th grade, age 13). He wanted to look his best. But he didn't know how. None of the dresses and skirts seem to be something he would like to wear. He frowned looking at the bras. He hated the way they felt against his breasts.
He sighed and instead opened a drawer full of slips. His mother always told him not to wear those as according to her bras are more modest, whatever the fuck that meant. He took a black sports one. No matter what his mom says, he would rather hear her lecture him instead of suffering through more dysphoria.
He cried a little, looking at his chest but made sure to not sob too loud. Everyone in this house is so goddamn nosy. Jamie lived with his parents, grandparents and three siblings. The house was big but still felt like it was suffocating him. Jamie's only safe place was his special room which was like a private lair. Every room had one attached to it and Jamie won't let anyone in his. It was the one place he felt like he could be himself.
"Can't get a binder yet." Jamie mumbled as he looked through his pocket money savings. "I should cut back on lunch." he murmured as he grabbed a black plain t-shirt with dark grey jeans and a black jacket that would distract him from his breast size. He puts on black socks and sports shoes before grabbing his bag and shoving in the pocket money wallet in a hidden chain.
"Here." his mom called out as he walked down the stairs. His older sister, Hilda (11th grade, age 16) was munching on her toast and passed him a smile which he returned in fear of getting yelled at if he didn't. His younger brother, Victor (5th grade, age 10) and sister, Annaliese (1st grade, age 6) were sitting on their chairs eating cereal. Jamie gave them both side hugs and genuine smiles. He then grabbed his own toast before heading out with his siblings.
The car ride was almost silent, well except for Anna and Vic talking to each other. Vic adored Anna and Jamie loved to watch them interact. It was so cute! Hilda dropped off them at their respective schools and then went to hers. They all were in separate schools as their parents wanted them all to grow on their own without each other's influence, Lord knows why. Maybe Jamie will ask them someday.
"Ash!" his best friend, Kesha called. Fuck, he should really come out to her. She was a lesbian and he was sure she would support him too. He was just feeling skittish. But coming out to her would be a relief. "Ashley~" his other best best friend, Jonah called out in a sing-song voice. He was a straight Ally and Jamie was sure he would support him too. "I will come out to them by the end of the week. he mumbled to himself. "Hey, guys!" he called out to them and put on a fake smile.
"Hey gurl, how are you?" Kesha said. "I am not a girl, she doesn't know, it isn't her fault." he repeated to himself in his mind. "Good." he lied. The three grabbed some books from the locker and walked to their first class. "Can we meet for a sleepover tonight?" she asked and the two friends agreed. They were neighbours and childhood friends and would often stay over at each other's houses even during school nights. "We will even bring in our homework." Kesha suggested. "My house." Jonah said and the two girls nodded.
Even though being repeatedly called Ashley hurt him, he was excited for coming out tonight. But his happiness was spoiled again by the teacher again calling his name. "Miss Ashley, kindly show him around." she said. Wait, he who? He wasn't paying attention and now had no idea who he was being told about. "The new kid, his name's Nova." Kesha whispered to him, having noticed her friend's obliviousness. Jamie turned around and exchanged a smile with the new kid who went and sat on an empty bench.
"He's hot, right?" Kesha murmured. "I- Uh-" Jamie stuttered. He looked back at the guy in his jeans, top and jacket, looking like an average jock. Yea, he wasn't Jamie's type. Jamie liked every gender but preferred femininity. And plus for him to be fully attracted to someone, he would need to form a strong emotional bond and he barely knew this guy at all. "I don't know, not really my type." Jamie said. Kesha pouted.
The rest of the day passed on easily. It was hilarious to watch Kesha try and flirt with Nova for fun who was clearly not interested in her but Jonah swore he saw him glance thrice at Jamie who seemed to be least interested in him. "Give the poor guy at least some attention." Kesha teased but Jamie just laughed it off. Ain't no way, he was going to fall for that guy. Plus, he seemed straight and Jamie wasn't a girl.
The evening at home passed with Jamie locked in his room and coming up with a good 'Coming Out Speech' to explain to his friends. "Maybe I should start off with 'hello, my dear friends'. Nope, too formal. I am demi, omni and trans. No very less info." he mumbled under his breath. "Fuck, I am so bad at this. Ugh!" he sobbed into his pillow. He put on his headphones and started listening to gender-affirming ASMRs.
Poison, I'm drownin' in poison I'm fillin' up my glass but it's always hollow Full of poison, I'm sick of the poison Wish I had something to live for tomorrow
The alarm woke him up. "Ugh!" he groaned as he realized, he was going to be late for the sleepover. He hurried and got into black PJs which he hated as the shirt was tight on the chest causing him to be extremely uncomfortable and dysphoric. He grabbed his homework and walked to the house next door.
1099 words
Yes, I know not that many words. But it's just the half of the updated version of what I wrote in my 5th grade. I will update the next chapter tomorrow morning because it's night over here. And no, I am not going to bed, lol, just not writing. But it's going to be fun to write about someone I can relate to.
P.S. He loves Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss because I said so :D Also Poison is also my Alarm and call ringtone. :)
Okay, Love you all and take care! :) <3
Also, if any of you need and advices or just support, you can always text me.
And here's a gender affirming ASMR, I found today. :D <3
