Requested by: me... pls request yall-
This is basically a suicide note, written shortly after Espresso 'settled' into his new home in the Pure Vanilla Kingdom. Kinda just a vent, just not horny rn.
TW: suicide mentions, basically just intense venting about change, mentions of homophobia, yada yada.
~~
It was so silent... yet so loud. I don't understand how I sat through it for that goddamn week.
It was always so hard to say, but I loved that guy. Madeleine. He was handsome, relatively smart, and hot... just so many qualities a closeted gay in a homophobic world could ever want! And yes, we did exchange... favors from time to time, but that was all. It was only that.
I hated to admit it but I loved waking up after my fortnight crash to hear Madeleine pounding on my door to make sure I was awake. He'd always carry a coffee in his hand, my exact order. It made me feel wanted.
I never experienced that in my childhood, who would? I grew up nerdy yet poor- nobody truly wanted me there at all. It was all drugs, sex, being a dropout, all of the shabang that you'd expect to hear.
The world was cruel, always had been always would be. Now it's a bit more simple, but that's because everyone is so hyped up on adderall that being an eccentric cookie is all the rave. We're told we can't kill, we're gaslit until we drop dead, maybe Dark Enchantress kinda of has a point: we suck. But that isn't this type of message.
Suicide always used to be my decided-on scapegoat, I'd get so damn close but that beautiful blonde would always prevent me... even if he wasn't there. And suicide always scared me because there was no one waiting on the other side. But now there is... that same goddamn blonde. Maybe the witches do love queers despite popular belief? I wouldn't have had to do this thing if Custard just kept his dick in his pants and prioritized his morals.
It felt like mere seconds ago, I was boarding that motherfucking ship, as I glanced behind me, I saw Madeleine get crushed by a marble pillar during the fight. It stung but it was a more torturous death to stay, to be tortured by Custard guards until I couldn't even speak.
And if I left, I could do it the way god intended. At my own hands.
So as I sit here, on top of this very fine building, with teary eyes and a broken heart, I write to wish you the best Pure Vanilla. And tell everyone else from the Council I wish them luck as well, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to aid you in your quest to fight Dark Enchantress. It's too much.
My shoes and personalized belongings will be under this note, in case I'm too important to be forgotten or whatever. But you can toss them, or maybe Gingerbrave could grow into them. Enjoy.
I hate change. And he can't come back.
~~
"R-Raisin." Someone said shakily. "I think we found out why he did it."
"Pure Vanilla, what is..?" Raisin took a moment to read. "Oh... oh dear."
