Requested by: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- pls request pls-
This is like, an au that exists where Roguefort is like "yo can I give u some money so I can have a gay life now" and the judge is like "sure, not guilty."
So then he and almond talk and they're like, making out, then they live together I DON'T FUCKING KNOW AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE I'VE BEEN SICK ALL WEEK :((
TW: sensitive topics about adoption and surrogacy.
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After months of careful consideration and conversation, it was decided that the news had to drop. Roguefort couldn't just sneak along, plus there was always that fatherly worry of walking in on the two. The news had to break: Walnut had a (legally unofficial) step-father.
And tonight was the night.
"Walnut?" Almond said, peering into her pastel-pink room. Inside, Walnut was playing detective with her stuffed animals and figurines as usual. "Can you come here please? I have something to tell you."
"Ya!" She said, walking to the door with a grin on her face.
"Please, don't be alarmed when you walk into the living room. It'll only make things worse." He said with a painful sigh.
The two walked into the living room, where the alarming thing had been. Her arch-nemesis, a now ex-thief, was sitting on the couch with his fingers intertwined in his lap, waiting for her.
"YOU THIEF! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Walnut yelled, running behind Almond and sticking her head out. "ARREST HIM!"
Without another word, she ran to her room and ran back with plastic handcuffs in her hand. After a solid minute of staring Roguefort down, she lunged at him and placed his wrists in the cuffs, putting them as tight as they'd go. Roguefort didn't bat an eye, he just continued to sit there with his hands in his lap.
"Take him away, he's all yours." She said triumphantly, holding the chain of the cuffs and trying to drag him towards her unimpressed father. Of course it didn't work.
"For a different reason," Roguefort mumbled.
"Shut up, you're in custody." She said.
Almond sighed. "Even if he was actually in citizen's arrest, in order to shut him up he'd need to be read his Miranda Rights."
"Fine then. You are under arrest, anything you say-" Almond interrupted her.
"Sit, darling. There's a reason why he's here." Almond sat Walnut on his lap and he sat next to Roguefort. "He isn't a thief anymore, he hasn't really been for a while now."
"W-What? H-He's just cleared?? Like that?!" She said, flabbergasted.
Almond helped Roguefort out of the cuffs using the crappily made safety latch. "Yes, he paid off all of the charges. Well, I actually didn't ask but if it was bribery, I don't have my badge on," Almond winked at him, causing a blush to appear on both faces. "But he will be living with us. That's what this whole thing is about."
"Why? He's got his own money. Clearly." She side eye'd him and shoved her head into Almond's neck.
"Because we've got... a thing going on, per se." Almond smiled and took Roguefort's hand in his, their fingers intertwining. "And we've decided that it would be healthy for said thing to continue under one roof."
"Like a relationship?"
Almond's face turned bright red. "For lack of a better explanation, yes. A relationship." Almond's grip got visibly tighter, and he seemed very joyous.
"But you're both men." She said innocently.
"You haven't had the gay talk with her yet, dude?" Roguefort mentioned, unamused.
"I-It was gonna happen eventually!" He whined, rolling his eyes. "Well, contrary to popular belief, people of the same gender can love each other the same way 'regular' couples do. Yes, what happens in their bedroom may be a bit different but they love each other the same."
Walnut seemed enlightened by this. "What about babies?"
"They can adopt, or, for males, they can use surrogate mothers. Those are basically cookies that give birth for you using DNA from one of the husbands. And for females, they use... DNA, from a trusted male, to impregnate a female." He explained, smiling. "But most just enjoy the hassle-free companionship."
"That's cool!" She said, sitting in the middle of them. "Now I have two dads!"
"Yep." They both said in unison, hugging her from their respective sides.
Roguefort was no longer her enemy, now he was someone she could go to while they both waited for Almond to get from work or the store, someone she could trust.
