Broken Mate

Chapter Nine

Knox Briggs

Waking up to a screaming mate, scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure if we were under attack, or if he was losing his shit. I came to terms with being worried all the time if he's going to try to take his life. I don't think that's healthy, but it's on the front of my mind.

But he wasn't losing his shit, he was having a nightmare. We ended up going to bed together, his small body close to mine. He feels like heaven next to me, that's for sure. I just wish I could be enough for him. For his mental health. But I know that's not how it works.

My worth doesn't determine if he's going to be okay or not. He has a chemical imbalance in his brain, and all I can do is be there for him while he figures out what helps him.

All I want is to be there for him. So that's what repeats in my head over and over before I fall asleep beside him.

When we wake up the next morning, Xan is lying on his back. His brows furrowed, and bottom lip pushed out as he stared at me. His big brown eyes are slightly wide, when ours lock. But he doesn't look away, he keeps staring, his eyes roaming my face.

"Good morning" I murmured, my eyes glancing down to his pouty lips. I've thought about kissing him. How'd it feel compared to a girl.

I've only ever kissed girls. Never experimented, never thought about it. I haven't been with anyone in any way since my mate passed. No kissing or touching. And it's been a long, long time.

"Morning" he huffs, turning to his side to face me. "You kind of ruined my staring" his words make me pause for a moment. Because the only Xan I know is the boy who tried to take his life. The boy who's held down by all his demons.

A loud laugh bursts through my lips, and he has a cheeky smile. Is that a dimple?

"I'm so sorry i ruined your creep fest" a smile takes over my face, and i shake my head. "I can't believe this"

"It's not creepy, it's sweet" he pouts more, making his lips so damn kissable.

"It's definately creepy"

"Whatever" he grumbles, rolling his eyes. "Are you hungry?"

"I could eat. And use some coffee, "I added, sitting up on my elbows.

"Dad always makes coffee. I also bet there's a feast down there. They're going to spoil me, and treat me like glass"

"You don't ever want to tell them to stop?"

"I love being spoiled. I'm the baby. And I can't. Dad and I are close, he's like my other half. He treats me that way because he doesn't know what else to do. Saying something would only hurt his feelings. And I never want to do that. "His words are serious, and I feel my heart ache for him.

"It's not hurting him if it's making you feel bad"

"It only makes me feel a little bad," he mumbles, tugging at his fingers. "It just makes me feel like they only think of me as a broken boy, not- well, me."

"Have you tried telling him that?" I ask, sitting fully up.

"No"

"Maybe you should"

"Maybe" he murmurs, sitting up. "Food, and coffee" he nudges my body. I climb out of bed, and he follows suit. "Is it okay if I tell dad to take down the air mattress?"

"You want to share a bed?" he nods, not explaining anymore. So I take that as it is. "Yeah, I'm okay with that"

After stopping at the bathroom, we make our way downstairs. Where there is indeed, a feast. Zeke is rushing around the kitchen, putting food out and cooking. Peyton is leaning against the counter, with an assumed look on his face.

"Baby, I told you it's enough food," Peyton says, sipping from his glass.

"I don't know what he eats, and he's staying in a random home. I want to offer- Oh hey guys" Zeke pauses while rushing around. His cheeks are flushed, and his hair is slightly ruffled. It's mainly blonde, with some gray streaks.

"I eat whatever, there really is no need for all this" i gesture to all the food "But it is really appreciated"

"Okay, well. Good to know" he huffs out a breath, running his hands over his apron. He glances at his son, a smile on his lips. "Hey baby. How are you feeling?"

"Good" Xan nods, hugging his arms to his body. "Hungry, a bit tired"

"Gotta take these before you eat" Peyton says, wiggling a pill bottle.

"Let him talk first, jeez" Zeke grumbles, shaking his head. "I'm sorry you're tired. It could be the meds. Maybe take a nap after you eat? See how it goes?"

"Yeah, I'll do that" Xan makes his way across the kitchen, taking the pill bottle from his dad. He takes a couple different pills, downing them all with some orange juice. "Oh- Knox likes coffee. Did you make some?"

"Sure did, he made his first pot at 5am" Peyton says, and Can scowls.

"Are you not sleeping?"

"Don't worry about me, im your father" Zeke huffs, sending a glare to Peyton. "Mind your business"

"Take a nap with me" Xan pouts, those kissable lips pushing forward.

"Maybe, we have some stuff to handle at the pack house later. So if you eat now maybe we can nap on the couch" Zeke's eye drops down in a wink, and Peyton hands me a mug almost full of coffee.

"Creamers in the fridge, sugar's on the counter" He mumbles to me. "Get food, whatever you will eat. Plates are in that cupboard" he points to the one beside the sink. "Don't wait on them. They'll talk forever"

And that's all he says before he's disappearing.

—-

We eat so much I think I'm in a food coma. Zeke and Alexander do end up taking a nap on the couch. Zeke doesn't sleep long though, and then he's off to deal with pack stuff with Peyton. Xan is still knocked out on the couch.

I've been working on some school work. I've been reading essay's and typing out responses. I am still grading all the homework, and planning lessons. My subs are just teaching them and having kids turn them in on google classroom.

Around 1, I have another cup of coffee, check Xan's pulse and get back to work. When 2 hits, Branson is coming in with two kids on his hips.

"Oh he's sleeping?" Branson asks, his voice gentle.

I nod, checking the time. "Yeah, he has been for a while" I close out of my work, shutting my laptop. Xan starts to stir, rubbing at his eyes. He sees his brother, and mumbles something incoherent.

"Hey, what's up?" Xans voice is rough.

"Just wanted to stop by before training to see how you were. The twins wanted to see you"

The little girl makes grabby hands, and Can opens his arms. Branson sets the kids down, and they rush to their uncle Xan. He scopes them up, hugging them tightly and kissing their heads.

"Hey kiddos" he smiles, he turns to me, "This is Knox, Knox, this is Willow and Ethan" Willow waves her small chubby hands. Ethan gives me a toothy smile, and hides his face in Xan's neck.

"He's not usually that shy," Branson says. "We can't stay long, I just wanted to see if you needed anything and if you wanted to come to dinner at our place tomorrow? Noah would love to see you, and meet your mate properly" Bransons voice is hopefully.

Alexander nods instantly "I'd love that. Is that okay with you?" he turns to me, making sure. My chest flutters, and I manage a nod.

"Yeah, sounds great" I smile, glancing at Branson. "Thanks for the invite. I'm honored"

"Yeah of course. Come on gremlins. Time to go" Branson says, his children getting right up and going to their dad.

"Bwye X" Willow says, and waves to me as Ethan buries his face into his dad's leg.