Outside Looking In

2

By day two, Miranda couldn't take it anymore. She was going mad. She needed her husband. This wasn't a life and it wasn't living.
She never became the chief, so she didn't have her dream job. Tuck was with his father this week, so she was just alone and lonely.

Getting to work, she made her way inside the hospital's mailing room and looked through the directory. She previously stopped passed the station and then she realized he never became a firefighter. So, he had to still be an anesthesiologist or a surgeon.

"You can't make contact with him, Dr. Bailey," George appeared.

"I need to see him, George. I miss him so much. I won't say anything to him. But I need to look at him." She stressed.

"Fine." He replied and then left again.

Miranda rolled her eyes and found his name, dragging her finger down she read the information that was present. He was still an anesthesiologist, but after so many years he moved up the ladder and was now the senior anesthesiologist. Knox must have retired or taken a step back. She looked at his picture and rubbed her fingers across it.

"Damn here comes the waterworks." She said to herself as her tears fell.

Trying and failing to pull herself together Miranda walked out of the room and made her way down the hallway.

"Bailey, what's wrong?" Alex asked seeing her wipe her eyes.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She tried to get out without sniffling.

"You're not fine. You're crying."

"Karev, you wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"He's uh, he's gone." She started.

"Who's gone." He asked quickly.

"I'm going through a break-up," Miranda added. That seemed like the best thing to say at the time. At least what would make the most sense.

"A break up, You were seeing someone?" He asked surprised.

"Yes for a long time and now we are no longer together. I hate feeling like this and crying at work, but I miss him. I'm in love with him and I can't make that go away."

Alex looked at Miranda sadly and pulled her into a hug.

"You are going to be ok. Are you sure it can't be worked out? You're Dr. Bailey, it normally doesn't take much persuasion."

Miranda laughed softly. "I don't think it can."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Thank you for this."

"No problem. Let me buy you dinner tonight. We can trash talk him."

"Ooh, a dinner invitation this is new Karev."

"I know, I thought about it as soon as it came out, but there's this restaurant that I think you will like and you're like my mom I can't leave you like this. I will meet you in the lobby at 7, don't stand me up."

"I will be there." She chuckled. "I hope where we are going serves bourbon."

"They do." He laughed, rubbing her arm and walking away.

On Day five, Miranda went inside the cafeteria, and walked through the line. Getting something quick, she grabbed a salad and an apple. She then got a bottle of water and took her seat beside her friends.

She tried to be active in the conversation they were having, but her mind was everywhere else. It constantly drifted to her life and how horrible it was. She didn't know what to do anymore; everything was so depressing with Ben not around. He was her friend, her confidant, and everything else she could think of. He was there for her in so many ways that others couldn't even imagine their spouse being. He was the best husband in the whole entire world in her opinion, and nobody could top him. God made him so good that he almost belonged in heaven right beside him. He was that great, and now he's gone. Every day when she woke up, she thought it was a dream.