Love Songs

Chapter Twenty Five

Jessica - Wednesday, 8:30pm.

"Are you even going to talk to me?" I asked Allie after dance had ended and we were walking wordlessly back to our room. After the outbursts at the beginning, a frightening silence had fallen. I didn't know what to say. It was all out in the open. And I might have lost my best friend.

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you hate me? That you told me not to fall for her and I did? That I'm a terrible friend?"

"Why do you want me to say that?"

"Because it's what you're thinking."

"You don't know that."

"I'm pretty sure."

 "Well," Allie said, turning our doorknob. "I don't know what to say."

"You shouldn't have found out like that," I admitted.

"Well," she said again, "I didn't."

"You didn't?"

"There was no 'finding out,' Jessica. I've known she liked you forever. It was just a matter of getting myself to admit it. And as far as things have gone here, well, I mean, I had an idea. The first time you hooked up, I didn't know what to think, but I didn't make myself sure it wouldn't happen again. And Matthew told me he was a cover. So, that's all I guess."

I didn't know what to say. "That's all?"

She shrugged. "I guess."

"I can stop seeing her," I said, knowing that I would probably die trying.

"No you can't," she said, surprising me.

"What?"

"Jess, have you ever seen Shay hook up with the same girl twice?"

I didn't need to answer, but I shook my head anyhow.

"You make her happy," she filled in the blank. "And I want her to be happy."

Again, I was at a loss for words. Thankfully, Allie did the talking.

"When we first came here, and I was mad over the whole 'spin the bottle' thing, I took a long walk the next day, just thinking about it. And Matthew followed me. Remember? On the beach," she explained, prodding my memory.

I  nodded. I remembered.

"And I didn't forget what he said. He was talking about how if you two ended up together, that it wouldn't be the worst thing, because it would be the two people I care most about being happy," she went on. "And...I don't know. I guess that made sense to me."

I was almost crying again, as sick and tired as I was of tears.

"Thanks, Al," was all I could say.

"So, yeah it's weird," she summarized. "And I mean really weird. But, it is what it is. So no, I'm not mad."

Continually at a loss for words, I hugged her then, for a long time. Tears had found their way down my face, and I couldn't really explain them. They were joyous in one respect, but mostly I think they were just a catharsis, manifesting the crazy truth that this big emotional war of a lie was absolutely over, with no casualties. 

"I love you, Allie," I told her, and I meant it.

She smiled. "I love you too," she said. "But, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Okay," I said, getting up towards the door. "Goodnight."

"Where are you going?"

I almost made up a lie, before I realized I didn't have to.

"To talk to Shay," I told her. 

She nodded. "Okay," she said awkwardly.

I ran a hand through my hair. "Still weird?" I asked.

She nodded again. "Still weird."

___________

Shay - Wednesday, 8:45pm.

I was in my room rejoicing over the fact that somehow, I'd made the biggest mistake of my life, but I still hadn't lost Jessica. I was putting the final touches on my musical brainchild, drawing the last fermata on the final measure, the melody ending in happiness and contentment. My song was my story - it had always been. And right now, my story was ending blissfully. Not that I knew for a fact that it was over, but I had the unshakable feeling that everything was going to be alright.

Jessica opened my door as I put the cap back on my black pen. I immediately went for my glasses, because I hated her seeing me looking all nerdy, but she stopped me.

"Don't," she said. "I love you in your glasses."

"I look ridiculous."

She sat at the foot of my bed, and smiled sincerely at me. "You look beautiful."

I rolled my eyes. "You're too kind."

"Shay," she said quietly, with a sudden sense of purpose. "Allie knows."

"Allie...knows?"

She nodded.

"Allie knows what?"

"About us," she filled in. "She knows everything."

I felt like I'd been shot. My stomach was like an elevator with cut cables.

I looked incredulously at her. "And, she went on a homicidal rampage through the city..."

Jessica laughed a little, calming me down somewhat. "No," she said. "She's cool."

"She's what?"

"She's not mad."

"She's not what?"

She gave me a look. "This is going to be a really long conversation if you're going to keep doing that."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, still trying and failing to land back on earth. "Sorry," I said. "But what do you mean she's not mad?"

"She just...wants us to be happy, or so she says." 

"I should go talk to her," I said, getting up.

"No," she said, standing up with me. "She's sleeping."

"Already?"

She shrugged. "She's tired, I guess. From hooking up with Matthew. Did you hear that one yet?"

I rolled my eyes. "I walked in on it."

"What do you think?" she asked, wanting my review.

I thought for a minute, before deciding, "Fucking weird."

Jessica laughed. "Agreed."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I met her by wrapping mine around her waist.

I stood looking wordlessly into her eyes for quite some time. When she finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper.

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you," she quoted. "Is not that strange?"

Wasn't it strange? She was the one person I never expected to be with. We were different, we were opposite, and everything about us was wrong.

But normal had never been something I did well.

I stood deep in thought, saying nothing, just looking at her.

"Why so quiet?" she asked after a while.

It wasn't the first time, but now I revelled in the moment of having the perfect thing to say.

"Silence is the perfectest herald of joy," I said, smiling. "I were but little happy, could I say how much."

 The End