Love Songs

Chapter Twenty

Shay - Tuesday, 10:30pm.

I'd sat there in anger and misery for long enough when I heard a knock at my door. In the mirror, I saw that my eyes were red and my hair was a mess. My face looked like it had seen an oil spill from all the makeup that had been shed. I didn't know who it was, so I rushed to put on a new coat of eyeliner and wash the old off of my cheeks as I flatly asked "Who is it?"

I swear to God, if it's her...

She'd texted me earlier and I'd ignored it. "I want to see you, Shay, I want to be with you, Shay, I'm going to find you after my practice, Shay."

I'm going to break your heart, Shay.

"It's Darius," a voice said from the other side of the wall. "Can I come in?"

I sighed. I'd wallowed in self-pity long enough for the night, I supposed, so I opened the door.

"Hey," he said, looking bewildered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, obviously lying.

"You look like you've been crying."

"I don't cry."

"Everybody cries."

I retreated back into the room. "Not me."

He shut the door behind him. "Whatever," he said, withdrawing his argument.

"Why are you here?"

"That's one way to cut to the point," he said.

I just looked at him, still expecting an answer. Really, if he had no business being in my room, I really would have prefered to be alone.

He reached a hand into his long jacket as he explained, "I have something you might be interested in."

"It has to be pretty interesting to get me interested," I reminded him.

"I knew that when I picked it out. Shay Thaller is hard to please, right?" 

I allowed myself to smile slightly. "Extremely."

"So," he said, withdrawing his hand, and with it, a long glass bottle filled with a clear liquid. "Are we pleased?"

My eyes took it in. I hadn't had a drink since I'd gotten here, and a little before. I knew it was unprofessional, and risky, especially in the state I was in, emotionally. But it had been the worst day I'd had in a very long time, and I swear that bottle glowed, like it was inviting me in.

"You're tempting me, Darius," I told him.

"That was my intention," he said, twisting off the top and taking a swig. "In or out?"

I took it from his hand, accepting his challenge.

Smiling, I told him, "I'm in."

_____________

 Jessica - Tuesday, 10:30pm.

It was one thing for her not to text me back, but I hadn't seen Shay all day and it was getting me worried. Given, I'd been missing-in-action somewhat, after being effectively bullied by Rihannon, but still. She hadn't come to my room, or been around, in the common room, in the hallways, anywhere.

Eventually, I'd worried enough.

"So...I haven't seen Shay at all today," I tried to mention casually to Allie, but it just came out awkward and contrived.

"Yeah," she agreed, "she was acting kind of weird at lunch."

"Weird how?" I asked, getting anxious.

"I don't know," she said, "We were talking and then all of a sudden she was like 'I have to go,' and I haven't seen her since."

I felt an indescribable knot in my stomach. I couldn't figure out why, but it felt as though something was really wrong.

"Well what were you talking about?" I investigated, dying for any sort of clue as to what had gone amiss.

Allie got a weird look across her face before saying, "I don't remember."

"Well try!"

I didn't mean to sound so hysterical, but it just happened.

"Jess, relax, I'm sure she's fine," Allie said, obviously confused by my outburst. "Just, go to bed, you'll see her in the morning."

"You're right," I said, trying to calm down. "Whatever."

"Not that I can wrap my mind around why you even care so much," she said.

I knew exactly what she was suggesting, but for some reason she was leaving it alone. Did she  actually know how I felt about Shay?

And why was she letting it go?

____________

Shay - Wednesday, 2:00am.

"Look," Darius said, struggling to even form a single word in his inebriated stupor. I was drunk, but I certainly wasn't that drunk. That was, my judgment may have been long gone, as well as my pain, superficially, but I hadn't hit the point of completely losing language and motor skills.

"We have got to hide this in your closet," he said, laughing, holding the half-empty bottle as if it were the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

"Why my closet?" I protested, not nearly as amused as he was. "It's your vodka."

"You drank it!"

"Well, if I were to compare the two of us right now, I'd say you drank more of it."

"You're lying."

"You're trashed."

He pointed at me. "You win."

I rolled my eyes. This was the worst part of drinking with someone else. When you're done, you have to deal with them acting ridiculous.

"Yeah, you should go," I decided, walking him towards the door. "You have to work in the morning."

He went without a fight, which was beneficial to me because I had other plans.

"Yeah," he agreed. "We...we should go to bed."

"Yeah," I said. "Sleep tight."

"You're going to bed too?"

"Mhm," I said, shutting the door on him.

Not if I can help it, I thought.

The alcohol had me feeling brave, and once alone in the silence, I remembered what had inspired me to drink in the first place. And it had me feeling angry and vengeful, all over again.

I knew what I was doing, and exactly where I was going to go. I was going to make her pay for giving me my first heart break. I was going to make her pay for making me cry.

First, I needed to change. 

I'd had a whole series of lingerie planned out, three sets in advance, for the next few times I could see Jessica. I'd meticulously chosen which ones, for when, and I'd done it all for her.

But there was no more of that. I chose my favorites. Red lace. Jessica would never see them, but now somebody would.

Over it, I only wore a black silk robe. Securing it and putting on a pair of black patent leather heels, I looked in the mirrror. My eyes weren't red anymore, and my inhibitions were all given away to a clear liquid devil.

I shut the door behind me, and showed up at her door five minutes later.