Curse Breaker (or how to find answers)

Boys don't cry and yet a tear ran down his cheek - pt.1

Don't ask me how I was able to write this chapter so quickly... x) It's not beta-read, as usual!

I hope you enjoy :)

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"You're coming with us to the Christmas party tonight, mate?" Peter asked, as he took his books under his arm.

James, still looking down, barely functioning since the day before, walking and talking slower than usual, replied lowly. "I can't, I have detention until 8. Won't be able to go with you," Then he mumbled. "Maybe later..."

He gathered his books too. Peter watched him do, waiting for him.

"Detention?"

James was certain his friends had noticed he was feeling down as soon as they all woke up; he was always the first to wake up. Either to go run around the castle before the day started, his usual Quidditch training — which he had been neglecting recently — or because he was just generally a morning person. This morning, right after the night he had, James woke up last, and the last thing he wanted was to get out of bed.

He wanted to rot in the dorm all day, and never be perceived ever again. He knew he probably looked like shit — which definitely went against his character — and he didn't feel like he had the strength in him to play this character he usually played, the sunny, confident, extraverted and cool guy that everyone liked and wanted to be friends with. That role sounded too painful to embody as his friends tried to drag him out of his bed.

He knew they had noticed, because James was the hyperactive type. Always willing to get out of bed to do anything but nothing. It wasn't James to refuse to move.

There was also the fact that he couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius in the eye. He had failed his best friend, in so many ways, he couldn't bear it. He had always tried to be a rock in Sirius' life; always here for him, meant to be a constant in his life, to never turn his back to him. And there, he felt exactly as if he betrayed him, as if he had forgotten all of these principles. James had failed and he couldn't look at him in the eye.

Despite everything, he had woken up. Remus had told the two others to go ahead of them to class, and as soon as they had left the room, giving them concerned looks, Remus had crouched down to James' bed.

Maybe they hadn't seen James like this since... since Lily, maybe? But even then, James had never shown himself so defeated. Even when Lily had rejected him multiple times, he had never lost his energy and his hope this much. So he understood their concern.

Remus had reasoned him; if there was someone here who could have understood James' will to never wake up again, it was definitely Remus. He had had the right words. He knew — without James having to tell him — what was up. He had figured something had went wrong with Regulus. James supposed he had seen it coming. He had warned him before. He supposed Remus too knew the misery of facing the rejection and the coldness of one of the Black brothers.

In the end, James slowly woke up, dressed up, and tried not to cry. Weirdly enough, he did not cry. He felt empty, and his eyes were dry. They looked puffy from all the crying before falling asleep, but he casted a concealing charm, put on his glasses, and tried to forget about it. Then he had accompanied Remus to their first class, without having eaten anything, since he had also missed breakfast — another thing that was out of character of James.

"Yeah, detention," James sighed, hoping Peter wouldn't feel too bad about the way he was behaving with him. Though so far, Peter, and the rest of his friends, seemed rather understanding, despite not knowing what happened. "I got caught outside past curfew by Slughorn," James summarized, and he felt a pang in his chest thinking about it, tears threatening to come back. He gulped, and regained his focus. "He gave me detention. Not a lot, though. Just today, after Potions class. 'Won't be able to join you lot for the before."