Khaos

Chapter Seventeen

I actually meant to finish this chapter the other day. This was supposed to be a part of chapter sixteen, but then i got distracted by my music and ended up making a whole new playlist and danced in my room for like an hour and completely ignored this part, but here it is now. 

Ronan Volkov 

As I leave my father's office, his words echoing in my mind like a relentless drumbeat, I can't help but feel the weight of his disappointment bearing down on me like a suffocating blanket. I know I've messed up, and now I have to face the consequences.

With each step I take, the gravity of the situation becomes clearer. I've jeopardized everything—our mission, our safety, our very lives—all because I let my guard down, because I allowed myself to care for someone who should have remained nothing more than a pawn in our twisted game.

But as I make my way back to our room, my thoughts drift to him, to the boy who has managed to worm his way into my heart despite my best efforts to keep him at arm's length. I can't shake the feeling of longing that gnaws at me, the desire to be near him, to protect him, to keep him safe from the darkness that threatens to consume us both.

But I know I can't afford to be selfish, not now, not when everything hangs in the balance. I have a job to do, a duty to fulfill, and I can't let my emotions cloud my judgment any longer.

As I enter our room, I find him sitting on the bed, his expression a mixture of concern and confusion. He must have sensed the tension in the air, the weight of the unspoken words that hang between us like a heavy fog.

I try to push aside my own turmoil, my own guilt as I look away from him and turn towards my bed where my cat, Rosmerta, is sleeping on my pillow. She takes up almost the whole pillow. 

I can feel Khaos' gaze on me, and I try my best to ignore it and go one like nothing is wrong, but It's hard. Really fucking hard. 

But before I can give in there's a loud knock on the door. I freeze knowing it's Nikolai. My heart pounds in my chest. I'm mad at him for sure, but he was right. 

With a sense of dread creeping over me, i move to answer the door, bracing myself for Nik's judgement. 

Standing on other side of the door is a determined looking Nik. I take a step back, pushing my hands into my pockets so I don't punch him. Before I can say anything he speaks, his voice cold and calculated. 

"We need to talk." His gaze never wavers from mine. 

 I shake my head, not wanting to listen to him right now. 

"Ronan, please just hear me out. I know I wouldn't have said anything unless it was absolutely needed. Just a few minutes...please?" His voice is gentler, damn near pleading. 

I hesitantly nod and let him pull me out of my room and into the quietness of his empty one. 

As he settles on the edge of his bed, his gaze never leaves mine. I can't let but feel a sense of unease settle over me. 

"You know I've never ment to hurt you." He starts. "And I want you to know i never meant for any of that to happen like that."

I raise an eyebrow, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. "Really? So you didn't mean to rat me out? You didn't mean to make him cuss me out and basically tell me im worthless for having human feelings? You didn't mean to make him not trust me with this mission?" 

He flinches at my words. "No, I didn't, Ronan. You have to believe me. He cornered me into it, but he's right. We're just trying to keep you safe from the consequences of those feelings."

"And what about him? What about hurting him?" 

For a moment, Nik's mask slips, and I can see a sliver of guilt in his eyes. "I never wanted him to get hurt." He admits, his voice just above a whisper. "But I couldn't sit and watch you throw everything away for him. He doesn't know you, Ronan. He doesn't know what we do. And you've worked damn near your whole life for this. Both of you will get hurt even more if you let those feelings continue." 

I bristle at his words, the anger boiling inside me threatening to spill over. "And who am I Nik? What do I do besides take orders? We are nothing more than pawns for my father's game. He's never even told me the whole story." 

I pause for a moment, clearing my throat and stopping the tears from starting before continuing. "All he's ever said was that it was them who killed her. For all we know he could have done the same to them. Maybe that's what this is all about. What if Khaos is the one he's after and not his father or what if it's his mother or some other innocent person?" 

Nik shakes his head. "No, Ronan, you know he wouldn't. He wouldn't use you to do that. He wouldn't pull an innocent person into this." 

Frustrated, I run a hand through my hair."But he would. You've seen the lengths he's gone to so far. What's stopping him from going further? What's stopping him form stooping to their level if this is all for revenge?"

"He wouldn't. We'll make sure he won't. He wouldn't hurt you like that. He wouldn't, Ronan, I'm sure of it. He's not like that man." 

A realization hits me. I hesitate for a moment before looking Nik in the eyes again. "But he had the chance, Nik. He was here. He was right here. He didn't go for him. He's not going for him." 

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I actually totally forgot about they're cats, but before I started this chapter my cats wouldn't leave me alone and it just dawned on me that the cats haven't been mentioned much at all for a while.