Khaos

Chapter Nineteen

First off I'd like to apologize for not updating much. I personally fell in love with these characters but I have really bad depression so it's hard for me to just sit down and write even when I feel like writing it's very hard to actually do it.
Over the last couple of years there has been a lot going on in my family and school life. My parents are getting divorced, two people I knew died, a lot of my childhood friends are moving for college and I'm currently in the process of trying to move out due to how bad my home life is getting.

I have also started writing the second book in this series just to get a feel of what I want out of this one and my mind is much clearer in that department.

Anyways, here's the chapter. It's a short one but there's a double update.

Khaos Caddell

The moment Ronan walked back into the room, I knew something was off. His eyes were cold, distant, like a shutter had come down between us. The easy warmth that had started to bloom over the past few days was gone, replaced by a chill that made my stomach turn.

Let it go? How could I let it go when everything felt like it was unraveling? I stood up, the frustration clear in my stance.

My heart clenched painfully in my chest, the hurt washing over me like a tidal wave.

How could he say that?

All I had to do was act like I cared and you opened your body to me like a fucking whore. So easily it surprised me. No flowers. No date. No chocolates. Just throwing you around and some thoughtful words. You're a shameless, attention seeking kid.

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. How can he even say that? How can he even think that of me?

I felt like the ground was shifting beneath me, everything I thought I knew crumbling away.
The sheer coldness of his words left me reeling.
The silence that followed was heavy, filled with unspoken words and shattered hopes. I watched him, searching for some sign that this was all a terrible mistake, but he remained distant, cold. It was like a stranger had taken his place.

Eventually, I moved back to my bed, every step feeling like a march towards something broken and irreparable. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts and none of them good.

I hadn't realized when I started caring so much for his thoughts, but this stung like hell.

My brain feels like it did the day I found out Jaxon was dead.

Cold, hurt, and confused.

Sleep eventually claimed me, but it was restless, filled with dark dreams and the lingering ache of Ronan's words. I wanted to believe that there was still something left between us, some shred of the connection we'd shared, but the cold emptiness of his eyes told me otherwise.

I drifted in and out of sleep, the night dragging on endlessly. Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Jax, my cousin. I hadn't dreamt of him in a year now and he's been dead for two.

He was right there. His hands reaching out for me. Calling my name but I couldn't reach back.

He died alone, but in my dreams he dies with me next to him doing nothing but watching.

Pills, they said. He took a bottle of his sleep meds. He always had issues but none of us saw suicidal on the list.

When morning came, I felt like a shadow of myself, worn thin by the sleepless night and the heavy weight of my broken heart.

First Ronan's rejection and then the dreams of Jax returning. I'm becoming a mess.

I only hope Ronan doesn't notice that. I want to look uninterested and unbothered by him. Which I suppose with my thoughts on Jax, he kind of is right now.