What a year. It's hard to process all the things that happened in this year that was supposed to be better than 2020 and ended up being worse. I can still picture myself at midnight, high on LSD, on the 31st of December 2020, saying "fuck you" to this terrible year and welcoming 2021 as a gift from the Gods. Even though this year has been challenging, I can't help but, as usual, remember all those terrible moments with a hint of nostalgia. I've always been grateful, but this year, I was even more so because of the little things. Spending my birthday with my friends in Paris, spending Christmas with my family in the Loire Valley, enjoying my life as I should without thinking too much about what I don't have, yet. Appreciating more what I took for granted, like travelling, my friends, or life itself, for a few examples.
I'm closing 2021 with some doubts. Not so much about myself, but more about what I want. Do I still want to live in NYC? What kind of job do I want? Would I like to live a life that is not so cosmopolitan any more? Travelling with a bit of money but seeing the world? Going back to Paris, to my loved ones, whom I miss more every time I return to London? Staying in London because I love to speak English and the city? I've been putting myself in some reflections toward these questions. Me, who has always seen the bright side of life, me who always pushes people to follow their dreams, me who now is looking for a new one to reach. That's very 2021, from illusion to reality, there is a thin curtain that does not allow you to see through. I don't like to pressure myself, so I'm trying to attract life opportunities instead of chasing them. I have many wishes for 2022, but the most significant one is to see Kevin and Celia more and more. They are my core in Paris, and I feel like two years of pandemic made our relationships somewhat distant, but we've never been as close as we are now when we see each other.
Living with Gabriel has been a blessing in my life since the end of April. We've created a real-life routine together that I cherish a lot, but I sometimes wonder if it is enough, as we have different views for the future. At the moment anyway, it's all perfect, and I couldn't imagine myself living with anyone else but him. Our friendship definitely won the friend's family prize forever.
2021, you made me go through the worst and the best, but I still want to say that I thank you for that. I never felt more adult than this year; I had the biggest growth. I don't think it happened since I went to NYC in September 2019. My inner child being kicked out was not fun, but 2022 is here to bring it back for a full experience of happiness that I'm entirely ready to live again.
Looking for a goal has been an obsession these last months, but that's on me. Thinking of it, I still have it all. A family not very present but that loves me, friends I can count on, a city life that I've dreamed of my whole childhood, a best friend I'm living with, two others in Paris. There are never too many complaints to have when you're surrounded by love as I am. If it feels lonely sometimes, I know that with a few phone calls, my world can be re-established.
2021 has been hard, but I'm thankful for these hard moments, and for all the good things that happened to me, even if I was not always able to see them when they came along.
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Croissant and Cocktails: The Sex Tales of a Frenchman in London
Non-FictionIn the bustling streets of London, I, Antoine, a French twenty-something, found myself embarking on a journey of self-discovery among the highs and lows of fashion, friendship, and love. Having left behind the prestigious world of fashion production...
