Croissant and Cocktails: The Sex Tales of a Frenchman in London

From a Story to Another One

Let's face it, there are two kinds of relationships: the ones called "Important," and then there are the others. The important ones are usually the longest relationships, the serious ones. We all have that friend who has been in a relationship for months or years, at least once in their life. This person would then be seen or referred to as serious because at some point, you've got to be serious if you're able to stay and maintain a long relationship. Well, that's not true! To me, at least. I think it's even worse as it makes so many beautiful and short relationships invisible. There are enough broken marriages that get divorced after twenty years to prove it. And usually, the end feels like a relief.

Sometimes, four-month relationships, without love crap, can be more beautiful and even harder to move on from. That's the problem of "The Others." This package, of unlabelled relationships, ranges from dates to booty calls to sex-friends and lovers. These relationships are seen as entertainment relationships by many people—too many people who don't understand and don't want to understand. It's a shadow place in between love, incomprehension, and fun.

If you come to me and say, "I think I'm in love with my booty call, but nothing else but sex happens. We don't even talk!" I'd say, "Well, stop it! There is no feeling possible from someone banging you once in a while." It's very simple to me: no talk equals nothing. But talk can bring you somewhere. Not all the time, of course, but a talk is always setting up something. That is why there are numerous uncalled relationships that are only part of sex time that are amazingly better than long and serious relationships. Yes, there are long and not serious hook-ups too. Expectations are lower and sometimes don't even exist, and to be honest, it has been a big part of the relationships I've had, in between all my important love stories.

This is not about labels or love; it's about true moments and sheer desires while keeping true freedom for yourself! It's not a big love story; it's many little crushes that you keep alive for a while. It's not cowardice towards love. I've been told that a few times by my friends; these are nice stories, including another form of love.

So, what happens when one of these uncalled and unlabelled stories vanishes? Well, the same thing as the "important" ones. Being with someone for a few years does not make the relationship more valuable than a three-month-old one. The quality does not come from the time, but from the feelings and happiness you had.

I understood it too late because, a few years ago, I hurt some friends (without noticing, obviously) by saying their month-old relationships were not worth their pain and that they knew nothing about relationships and feelings. How wrong was I, huh?

People in "important relationships" that break up usually need time to recover, to realize how long they've invested in this other person (whether you're the one who breaks up or the one dumped), why, and for what in the end. There is also this thought about the possibility of going back, which can sometimes work, but that I would never recommend myself. Never forget the reason for the break-up, period. Each case is very different, so I can't make a proper statement about it, but I just think when things lead to a breakup, solutions should have been found before.

When things vanish, because who would refer to a breakup as just a dating issue, people could make you feel less legitimate about it. For those readers, never forget that a form of happiness in the life of someone else has been taken away. No labels can define the feelings you have for someone, and it does not have to be Love. Undefined relationships are not worthless compared to any other ones.

The similarities between vanished relationships and break-ups are probably the pain, the disappointment in life, or perhaps a deep feeling of emptiness and lack of perspective. Don't make people with vanished relationships feel invisible; listen to them. Being acknowledged by someone always helps to move forward more quickly and to transition from one story to another one.