eternal flame - s. harrington

Chapter 4: Unfocused

"And— um... That is why Shakespeare's famous piece, Romeo and Juliet, is so... Culturally— or, historically relevant...", I kept tripping on my words as I was standing in front of my english class, giving the presentation Steve and I had previously worked on, "But... If we think about it.. Realistically, it's, um... Very dumb. What they did... I mean, they both died as a result of stupid actions. And God knows what happens after stupid actions... So I think, that, um— we should all look at Romeo and Juliet as role models for not what to do, but what not to do..."

Oh. my. fucking. days. Just stop talking.

I turned to look at Steve who stood beside me, looking at me with the most confused expression I'd ever seen on anyone's face before. Then I let my eyes scan the classroom, and saw many similar expressions on others, too.

I turned to look at our english teacher, Mr. Williams, for approval. He looked at me for a few seconds, probably trying to conclude if I was finished with the presentation or not. When I didn't add anything, he got up from his chair and clapped his hands together twice, from which followed some scattered applause across the classroom, "Alright, Ms. Byers and Mr. Harrington, thank you!", he said, trying his best to sound encouraging, "Great work... Just.. Great.", he cleared his throat.

I grabbed the presentation and quickly made my way into my seat, hoping I could just melt into it, turn into some liquid and escape through the air vents to never be seen again.

I could hear my classmates snicker and whisper about my presentation, which I understood. It was the worst one I'd ever given.

I was so disappointed in myself — I'm a straight A student, I've read Romeo and Juliet a million times, I was a confident public speaker, and I knew for a fact that I could've given a better presentation.

I was just off my game. The very lovely conversation I had with my wine–drunk mother last friday was burning holes in my brain, making sure to never be forgotten. She forgot, of course, since she was the one with the wine. But I didn't.

The bell rang, and everyone exited the classroom. I took a little while longer than usual to gather my stuff, I was just so in my head all the time. I soon realized the classroom was empty, the only people in it being me and Harrington.

"Hey.", he said as he sat on top of the desk next to mine. "Hey.", I replied quietly, packing my stuff into my bag. "What's going on with you?", Steve asked. I shook my head, "Nothing, why?", I said nonchalantly, trying to be convincing.

"Yeah... I can tell something's bothering you. I mean, no offence, Byers, but that was the worst presentation I've ever heard", he laughed, "And that's coming from me."

I scoffed, "It was your presentation, too.", I side-eyed him. He shrugged, "Um, I know. But, see, you kind of said it was good, and that we didn't need to work on it anymore. Plus, you have that whole, y'know, best–student–who's–going–to–Harvard thing going on—"

"Yale.", I corrected him.

He looked at me for a few seconds. "Right.", he said, "You sure you're okay?"

"What do you care, honestly?", I snapped, "I said I'd help you with your schoolwork so you could impress your brainiac crush, but this—", I scoffed as I waved my finger between us, "Is not a friendship. I don't need you to get all up in my business just because I gave a bad presentation. So, from now on, I'd appreciate it if you'd butt out of my personal life, and we keep this purely academic.", I ranted.

His eyes widened for a while and then he narrowed them, "Isn't me giving feedback on your presentation purely academic?"

"Our presentation!", I snapped, "Gosh, can everyone just please get off my fucking back for once?"

"Okay, Jeez...", Steve muttered as I walked out of the classroom.

During lunch, I sat down with my group of friends; Abby and Joe, who were both juniors, and Lucy and PK, who were sophomores. We had all been best friends since middle school.

As my friends chatted about, I just kept staring at my lunch tray, but never touching my food. Abby, who was always so eager to talk about herself, was too invested in telling about the spring musical that the drama club was creating, and how she might get the lead in it. Joe, being polite, always listened. PK, who was out of his mind in love with Abby, would listen to anything she has to say, and Lucy, who is the biggest sweetheart in the world, always made sure she'd listen to everything anyone had to say.

The only one not invested in the conversation was me. I wasn't trying to be rude or seem like I didn't care, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't help but think about everything my mom had gone through for me. Everything she gave up, everything she sacrificed. I felt so sorry she had to throw away everything she could've become. I also kept thinking about how Lonnie thought I was a bastard.

Did my mother think so too? I couldn't care less what that pig Lonnie thought, he was never a father to me. My whole life I knew who my real dad was, my mother was honest with me about it, but Hopper wasn't in the picture for the first twelve years. And Lonnie never stepped in. I never saw a father figure in him. Honestly, he wasn't much of a dad to my brothers, either. Just tried to make them into something they never were. Took two artistic souls and tried to ruin them. I'm so glad he left.

My mind kept running in circles, like it had for the past three days. The conversation I had with my mother was haunting me, and now I also felt responsible for putting her through a bad relationship for fifteen years.

It's crazy how much damage such a small person can do in such a short period of time. Why couldn't I torture my mother when I was in the womb? Maybe she had found out about the pregnancy earlier, and could have terminated me, or something. I was only born to ruin her, and everything she could have been. I had never felt so guilty before. I was filled with anger, pure hatred for my self.

"Anyways, so...", I snapped back to reality as Abby changed the subject, finally, "Reed asked me out today...", she beamed. Lucy squealed and Joe smiled but PK just looked like he was turning green.

"So, what do you guys think?", Abby asked.
"I think I have to take a piss.", PK excused himself and left the table. Abby eyed him up and down as he walked away. "Okay... Anyone else?", her green eyes scanned the table before she locked them with mine, "Gray! You haven't said a word."

I shrugged. "So, what do you think?", she asked. I batted my eyes at her, "About what?"

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Should I go out with Reed, or not?", she emphasized. I simply shrugged again, "I dunno. Do what you want."

Abby narrowed her eyes at me, "What's up your ass today?", she snapped. I sighed, "Oh, Abigail, why bother. It's not about you, you won't care.", I said as I got up and took my tray, dumped it's contents in the trashbin and walked out of the cafeteria.

I went out to the parking lot and sat down in my car for the rest of the lunch break, listening to the gloomiest mixtape I could find. I was really rotting in this self–pity, if I wasn't so upset, I'd find it hilarious.

I looked outside from my car's windshield as Dust in the Wind by Kansas played on my car stereos. I see Steve across the school yard, talking to Nancy Wheeler, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was nervous. Really nervous.

He talked to her with his hands on his pockets, just his thumbs sticking out as he kind of swayed with his feet, fixing his hair up every five seconds. Nancy stood in front of him, holding her books, politely smiling and nodding as he spoke, and every once in a while laughing at something he said. Nancy's friend, Barbara Holland, stood awkwardly a few feet behind Nancy, looking down at her shoes.

Observing the scene was funny to me — who knew that the King Steve, the guy who absolutely ruled this place, actually had no game? It would've been painful to watch if it wasn't so comedic. Seeing him be flustered in front of someone like that, blushing so hard I could see it from my car which was parked twenty feet away. I laughed a bit at him, forgetting about my own worries for a second.

Wow, this guy really is an idiot.