eternal flame - s. harrington

Chapter 12: The Smallest Coffins Are The Heaviest

It was the day of Will's funeral.

I had only gotten a few hours of sleep, because my mind kept going in circles and wouldn't let me get any rest. On top of all my worries, my ex step–dad was back in town, which had shifted the vibe in our house to an even worse one, which I didn't think was possible. But that's Lonnie — if you think you got a bad situation, he'll always make it worse.

Jonathan was acting weird again. Nancy Wheeler had shown up to the funeral home where Jonathan and I were picking out a coffin for Will. Nancy had asked him to talk to her in the hallway for a minute, but they never came back. Jonathan was very cryptic when I asked him about it.

I couldn't bother my head with it too much. If it was something important, I'm sure he would've told me. I just hope Jonathan wasn't getting involved with Steve's girlfriend after what happened the other day. That would just be the cherry on top of all this bullshit.

I was getting ready for the funeral. I put on my black velvet dress with puffy, short sleeves, and put half of my hair up with a black ribbon. I didn't bother to put on any make–up, because I knew I'd probably cry all of it off anyways. I found a bracelet that Will had made for me for my birthday a couple years ago, so I put it on my wrist to feel like a part of him was with me. Then I put on my black boots, and grabbed my soft, black coat to take with me.

My mom and Lonnie took his car to the funeral, and since I refused to be in the same car with him, I took my own. I asked Jonathan if he'd carpool with me, but he said he'd take his own car, because apparently he had errands to run, afterwards.

The funeral was small, but meaningful. I felt numb, yet a tad confused as I observed each guest, noticing how the people closest to Will didn't seem to have much of a reaction to this loss.

His friends kept whispering about something during the pastor's speech, and Jonathan, who had previously been torn to bits about Will, didn't even bat an eye. Mom just seemed like she was pondering something the whole time, and my dad didn't even show up. I almost felt like there was something going on that I should know about, but didn't.

During the memorial, I noticed that Jonathan and Nancy weren't there. That's when I really started to wonder if I was being left out of something.

I wasn't feeling too good, so I told my mom I'd be heading home soon. She said it was fine, and that she had to stay for a couple more hours. I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed home.

Jonathan's car wasn't out front, so I knew he was out doing something, which only raised my suspicions even more.

I went into my room and changed into a comfortable outfit — I put on a black, knitted sweater and a pair of gray sweatpants. I sat in my room, listening to music from the stereos when I heard a knock on the door. I got up, put on a pair of slippers and went to open the front door, and was mortified to see Steve standing on my porch.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?", I said angrily.
– "I came to talk to you.", he responded.
"I have nothing to say to you."
– "I'm trying to apologize, here."
"I'm not interested."
– "Please, let me talk to you."
"Why?"
– "Because I don't want you to hate me!"

I sighed and stepped out to the porch in my slippers. "It's a little too late for that, don't you think?", I asked, crossing my arms. Steve sighed, "Grace, I get that you're pissed. Okay, I get it.", he said, "But you have to look at this situation from my point of view. At least try.", he added.

"Well, you can take your point of view and shove it up your ass.", I snapped. "You had no right to do what you did.", I looked straight into Steve's eyes as he narrowed them. "And he did?!", he said.

"No. I'm not defending him— I mean, of course I'm defending him, but that doesn't mean I think that what he did was okay, and he doesn't either! He knows it was wrong. He feels terrible about it, Steve! But you didn't exactly rise above."

"Oh, I'm supposed to just be the bigger person when someone invades my privacy?", he asked. I seethed, "Oh my God, you're not even trying to understand what I'm saying! When someone does you wrong, there are other ways to go about it than breaking something. Did you know it took Jonathan a full year to save up for that camera?", I said as guilt started showing itself on Steve's face.

"If you're here to just shit on Jonathan some more, don't bother. I've had the hardest day of my life. I just buried my little brother, and you're out here whining about how wronged you were? Gosh, have some fucking respect!", I ranted.

"Grace.", Steve said, "I'm so sorry."

I sighed deeply and sat down on the porch swing, and Steve sat down next to me.

"I don't know what's wrong with me.", Steve said quietly. I turned to look at him.

"What?", I asked.

He looked down and shook his head lightly, "I let my ego get the best of me. Like always... You've been such a good friend to me. Even though you didn't need to be. You've helped me do better at school, you helped me get the girl I like... Honestly, I feel like you're the only one who understands me."

"If it makes you feel any better, I have a very hard time understanding you.", I smirked, to which he rolled his eyes.

"Grace, I'm genuinely sorry for treating you and Jonathan the way I did. Especially with everything you're going through...", he said.

"Well... Thank you for the apology.", I gave him a tiny smile, "But I'm not the one who should be hearing it."

Steve nodded, "Yeah. I'm gonna apologize to Jonathan, too. I promise. Is he home?" he asked.
I shook my head, "No. He left the funeral early. But I'll tell him you stopped by, and that you have something you want to say."

"Thanks.", Steve said as he got up. "I gotta go pick up Tommy and Carol, and then I'm gonna go check on Nance.", he announced, "You gonna be okay?"

"I'm not gonna break.", I replied.
– "Good. I'll see you at school?"
"Of course."
– "Okay. Take care."
"Yeah, you too."
– "Bye, Grace."
"Bye, Steve."