Summary: You're going through one of your depressive episodes and call Taylor over to help.
⚠️Warning⚠️: Mentions of depression and SH
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You lay in bed, your eyes wet with tears and three layers of blankets on top of you.
This past week has been rough for you, and you felt yourself falling into yet another depressive episode.
You hadn't showered ir brushed your teeth in days, and you had barely eaten or drank anything. You really only left your bed to use the bathroom, and even that felt like a task.
You hadn't seen your girlfriend Taylor in just over a week because of her busy schedule, and you ignoring her texts and calls. That had only made you fall deeper into the hole that was dug.
You wanted to call her so bad, but you were so scared that she would be disappointed in you if she saw you in your current state. You felt disgusting, both physically and mentally. You felt like such a horrible person for ignoring people's texts and calls, but you felt like isolation was the only solution to your issues.
You did, however, begin to miss Taylor immensely. You needed to see her. You knew that she was the only one who could help you out of this.
So, with a deep sigh, you picked up your phone and clicked on her contact and opened your text messages.
You
hey tay
can u come over? if ur not busy
i don't want to distract u from anything important
You felt a sense of guilt creep up in your throat, nervous that she might be busy right now and you would be pulling her away from it.
That feeling quickly dissipated as you almost immediately got a text back from her, as if she had been watching her phone awaiting any sort of sign from you that you were actually alive.
Tay 🫶💞
I'll be right over baby
You
ty
the door is locked i think btw
the spare key is under the pot on the porch
You put your phone down and sighed, another tear rolling down your cheek as you awaited Taylor's arrival.
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It was around fifteen minutes later when Taylor showed up, slowly making her way through the house as she saw all of the lights were off.
She slowly walked upstairs, opening your door and peeking her head in. She felt her heart break when she saw you under a mass of blankets, empty food packages, water bottles, and soda cans spread across your floor on top of your dirty laundry. The blinds were shut as well, making the room dark as possible.
"Honey?" She called quietly. There was no response, so she assumed you were asleep.
She quietly walked into the room and put her bag of goodies for you down on your dresser. She walked over to your bed and saw you tucked under your covers, your hair a mess and tear stains on your cheeks. She felt her own tears starting to form in her eyes, but she quickly pushed them away.
She sighed and kneeled down, swiping some of your hair out of the way.
"Baby," She whispered. "I'm here, y/n."
Your eyes slowly fluttered open, your chest tightening slightly when you saw Taylor in front of you.
Taylor felt her heart break more when she saw your bloodshot eyes, but she smiled at you nonetheless.
"Hi," She smiled, stroking your cheek with her thumb.
"Hi," You croaked out. Your voice was quiet and raspy from not talking pretty much at all the past few days.
"How're you feeling?" Taylor asked you, her eyes searching yours.
"Not very good," You answered hesitantly. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, you don't need to apologize, okay?" Taylor reassured you quickly. "You're alright, honey."
You started crying again, shaking your head at her. Taylor looked at you worriedly.
"What do you mean?" She asks you.
"I-I relapsed," You whisper. "I'm sorry, Tay."
Taylor gave you a sad look, her heart ripping more and more for you.
"Hey, you don't need to apologize," She told you again, sitting next to you on your bed, gently removing the covers you had. "C'mere."
You slowly sat up and fell into her arms as you silently cried.
Taylor gently picked up one of your arms and looked at your forearm, seeing somewhat fresh cuts spread across your already healed scars from before. She felt the tears return in her eyes along with the lump in her throat.
It had been almost a year since you last did that to yourself.
"How long ago did you do it?" She asked after a fee moments of examining the wounds.
"T-two days ago," You tell her. "I got out of bed to use the bathroom, and I was out of toilet paper so I went to get some from under the sink... and I saw the blade..."
"Oh, honey," Taylor said quietly, gently putting your arm back down and pulling you into a tighter hug.
"I couldn't help myself, Taylor," You cry to her. "I felt like- like it was deserved. Like I had to do it to myself."
"I know, baby," Taylor said, rubbing her hand up and down on your back. "I know it's hard, but I promise you, it'll come to an end."
"I was doing so good," You sobbed. "I was doing so good, and then I ruined it."
"Hey," Taylor said, pulling away so she could look into your teary eyes. "You didn't ruin anything, alright? Progress isn't always perfect, and you don't always move up. You're gonna fall down and feel like you're back to square one, but you're not, I promise. Look at how far you came before. You did so well, and we know you're capable of that again. And if you're capable of that, you're capable of more. Because you are the strongest girl I know, and I know that you're gonna push through whatever comes at you and you're gonna win. I promise you."
You looked at her with teary eyes. Usually, you wouldn't feel anything if someone had said that to you. But you trust Taylor. You trust her with your whole being.
So, after a few heartbeats of silence, you slowly nod your head. "Okay," You say in your raspy voice. "I trust you."
Taylor felt herself smile, which caused your lips to upturn as well, making Taylor's smile grow.
"I love you so much, y/n/n," Taylor whispered before kissing your forehead.
"I love you more, Tay," You whisper back, relishing in her radiating warmth and love.
You knew is was gonna be a tough road, but you were willing to go through it all with Taylor by your side.
A/N
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Omggggg I'm backkkkkkkk!!!
Sorry I've been gone for so long 😭😭 I've been getting caught up with a lot of things going on in my personal life (some of which inspired me to wrire this lol) (I won't go into detail about that bc it's A LOT and not really anything I want to share publicly) but I really wanted to publish something for you guys since you've been so deprived.
Ugh anyway, how have u guys been? I've missed u guys 💔
I'm so excited for TTPD personally, I'm squirming in my seat. SO. FREAKING. EXCITED.
I probably won't be back for a while, so cherish this, savor it, enjoy every little drop until then my loves 🫶
I love all of you 🫶🫶 stay hydrated, get some nourishments for your body, and sleep well ❤️
