Newtmas Oneshots/Prompts!

3.)It wasn't suppose to turn out this way

"I didn't let her go. She went. It's not my fault.
She did it.
She could undo it.
This is feeling so fucking familiar.
Why do we even bother? Why do we make ourselves so open to such easy damage? Is it all loneliness? Is it all fear? Of is it just to experience those narcotic moments of belonging with someone else?"
---- David Levithan , Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

Thomas's POV

Here I am sitting in a bar by myself at 11 o'clock at night. Fortunately ,there were not a lot of people here. All I want is to drink my beer in peace.

When did my life become so empty? So incomplete?

Ha! I know when it did. The one thing that just loves to fuck with peoples' lives is of course, LOVE.

I fell in love with a boy who was known for not staying. I hate him, but I still love him. Even after 2 years I still love him. The fucked up part was that he left me but he didn't leave my life. We both have the same friends. We still see each other when one of our friend's have a party. Seeing the person who broke your heart all around, never getting time to fully get over them because of that.

Hearing about that said person all the time because of your friends even though they don't mean to bring up memories from the past.

Why does it sting when he was the one that left? When he was the one that gave up?

I never got a reason why he did it, but hey I never asked because I was afraid of the answer.

He just walked through the door. Speak of the devil and he shall come. I guess I'm just lucky today.

I'm staring at my beer bottle to avoid looking at him. I don't want to see him. I haven't properly spoken to him since we broke up. Every time we would see each other after the break up, i would nod my head or only say hi to greet him.

I can feel him looking at me as he comes closer. I notice him from the corner of my eye take the seat next to me.

"Hi Tomm.. Thomas." Newt said hesitantly. I wish he called me Tommy again. I missed it when he called me that. What am I thinking I should hate him?

"Hello Newt" I said coldly. He orders himself a drink when the bartender comes over.

"What are you doing here?" He asked sounding kind of hurt but trying to cover it up. Why does he sound hurt? I wasn't the one that left? This alcohol is getting to me already.

"Drinking" i say giving a short reply. What are you doing here Newt? I asked not really up for playing games right now.

"To talk to you" Newt says quietly after a beat of silence.
 His answer mad me angry.

"You had 2 years to talk to me. What makes you think I want to talk to you now?" I said coldly trying to not lash out and yell.

"I know. I just... I don't know. I should go. Goodbye Tommy." He said trying to leave but him calling me Tommy made me stop him.

"Wait. Tell me what you came here to say. You can't walk out on me again without giving me answers." I said strongly, gaining some confidence.

"I don't know where to start. Please let me say what I have to say and please don't interrupt me because I won't be able to finish. I know it's mean 2 years since we actually talked to each other and I tried to talk to you but I would always chicken out. I was going through my closet and I found your superman shirt and I just started thinking of you. And then I realized I what I should have done these past 2 years and that was talk to you and tell the truth. Minho has been telling me I should talk to you, saying that you still loved me and that I already did enough damaged,  i mean what else could I do to fuck this up even more? I already ruined our relationship by leaving and hurting you. I'm sorry.. i know that look Tommy but I mean it. I still love you and I'm sorry but  I know that's not enough. And believe me leaving you hurt me too. I just.." Newt said kind of scared.

"What? Why did you leave me then?" I said angry and hurt.

"Because I got scared. I was becoming depressed again and I didn't want to bring you down with me. I didn't want you to waste your time with me because I knew you were going to be hurt. I didn't deserve you. I didn't want you to go through the pain of finding me in the bathroom not breathing because I couldn't handle it anymore. Nobody could of helped not even you. I had to fight my demons by myself.  I knew that meant leaving you. I couldn't take you down with me because I knew you would have done and tried anything to help me and you would have lost your mind in the process if you did." Newt said sadly through his tears.

"I would have been there for you. I would have willingly lost my mind to help you, if it meant you becoming better again. You did deserved me. We deserved each other. Why didn't you tell me this?"
I said hurt and crying.

"Because I didn't want you to go through the trouble. I know that was stupid of me to think but I didn't want to bring you down and make you depress. I'm sorry Tommy. I'll leave now. You probably don't want to see my face anymore." Newt said getting up to  leave again but I wasnt going to let him.

I pulled him close and hugged him. He flinch but then relaxed in my arms. I put my forehead on his while looking into his eyes and said

"I don't want you to leave, not again. Yes I was angry at you and I am a little bit mad at you still for not telling me this. I always want to see you face even after what you did to me.  I still love you Newt. I always will." I said a bit desperately trying to make him stay.

"You do? even after the shit I put you through?" Newt said shocked.

"Yes I do. I forgive you, but that doesn't mean your completely off the hook. You have to gain my trust back." I said

"I love you too. And I will do anything. I'll make it up to you." Newt said with determine in his voice and glowing in his eyes.

"I'm looking forward to it.  God, I missed you so much." I said looking into his beautiful eyes before kissing his lips gently.

"I missed you too Tommy" Newt said softly before kissing back.

Friendly reminder the quotes don't belong to me. Enjoy!