This Is Me Trying

Prologue

DISCLAIMER
This story is fictional. The names, places, events, businesses, and organisations used in the story are the work of the author's imagination and were used in a fictionalised manner. The resemblance to real names, places, events, businesses, and organisations is unintentional.

This story is written in taglish and is still unedited. There might be typographical errors or grammatical errors. Read at your own risk.

The photo used on the cover is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner.

Inspired by Taylor Swift's, THIS IS ME TRYING

                       ~~~~~~~

I grew up in a privileged life with a silver spoon in my mouth. Heck, it was even a gold spoon. I never really had an experience that you can call a hurdle in life. My childhood was every kid's dream. It was anything a kid could ever ask for. I have everything that I want and more.

"Happy birthday, my dear princess,"

I still remember my mom, my beautiful and kind mom, entering my childhood bedroom with cake on her hands every year during my birthday.

"What did you wish for?"

I couldn't remember what I wished for. All I can remember was the happiness I felt looking at my mom and dad together.

"Mommy,"

"What happened, Eli? Are you okay?"

My mom was my savior, every time I was clumsy.

"It's okay, anak. Walang sugat, it's okay."

She was my superhero. And her superpower was healing. Her embrace always heals me.

But little by little, the happy family I grew up with... started crumbling down.

"Ten years, Shaun. Ten fucking years! How can you do this to me? How can you do this to Eli!?"

Every night, I would hear their arguments in my dad's office. And that room was next to mine. But as a kid, I never thought it was a big deal. I thought it was just an argument like how the kids in kindergarten did.

"Don't you dare tell Elizer about this, Heidi!"

"Do you really think I can? I don't want my daughter to feel the pain I'm feeling right now. And I don't want her to see you the way I do."

Hearing my mother crying made me want to cry, too. But as soon as I do, their expressions changes. And every time that happens, I would always think that I fixed it. I fixed my family again.

But I never did. Nothing did.

Until the day that I lost my mother in a house fire, came. I was at kindergarten when it happened, while my dad was at work. My mom was home alone, and the gas in the kitchen suddenly exploded... when my mom was cooking dinner.

I remember my dad picking me up early at school. I was wondering why, because all my classmates were still there. But when I saw that he was crying, I didn't even ask one question.

We went straight to the hospital. Both my father and the doctor were speaking using words I can not understand. I only did when I grew older. I remember how my mom looked like, my beautiful and kind mother, that I could barely recognize.

"Dad, who's that?"

Instead of answering me, my dad broke down in tears. And hugged me as tight as he could. Throughout the wake, I didn't shed a single tear. And I kept wondering where my mom was.

And just before the burial, my dad finally told me that it was mom, in that casket. I couldn't remember what exactly I felt as soon as I heard that. But I remember the memories and the pain as I grew up.

But little did I know, adults move on fast. My dad remarried, just 3 months after her burial.

"Eli, this is your tita Michelle. Your new mom."

What's more devastating than losing your mom?

It was hearing your dad say that he replaced her, almost immediately. And wanting you to replace her too. But I can't. I could never.

My stepmother made it painfully clear from the beginning that she considered me an outsider in her family. Her icy glares and cutting remarks were a daily reminder that I didn't belong in her eyes. Maybe I remind her of my mother, as we look so alike. Maybe she sees me as a threat to my father's fortune. Or maybe she just hates me.

Luckily, as I grew older, I also grew emotionally strong. Her insults never affect me anymore. And I gave her the same look of contempt every time our eyes meet. I didn't let her ruin my life even more than she already did.

I found the love my life in high school. 

"So, Brent, seryoso ka ba sa anak ko?"

"Dad,"

The first time that I introduced Brent to my father, was during my 15th birthday. Dad was opposed on me having a boyfriend at a young at first, which I can totally understand. But as time went by, Brent started proving himself to dad. Slowly but surely, he started proving himself as someone deserving of my dad's trust.

He became my new family. He gave me the warmth I always dreamed of. He told me the promise that I always wanted to hear. The promise that he will stay forever with me.

Little did I know, he would also make me realise that almost all promises are meant to be broken.

"Let's break up,"

His voice while saying that line is still ringing in my ears. Up until now, I still don't know why he suddenly said that. Why he suddenly ended our relationship.

And when he left me after 7 years of dating, is where my life went straight to hell.

I have experienced both sides of the coin since then. I faced my fair share of failures and disappointments. But instead of letting them break me, I used them as stepping stones to reach my goals.

There were times when I felt like giving up when it seemed like the whole world was against me. My once bright and optimistic outlook on life had dimmed, replaced by a sense of hopelessness and despair. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sadness, struggling to keep my head above water.

And I began to question everything I thought I knew about myself and my life. Was I really as lucky as I thought I was? Had I been living in a bubble, shielded from the harsh realities of life? Is this the best that I can do in life? Is this the only thing I'm good at? Is this it?

It was during the darkest period of my life that I met my ex-boss' brother once again, my kind-hearted savior. Seeing my potential, that I couldn't even see in myself, and understanding my struggles, he decided to give me a chance and helped me move forward. He had been a mentor, a friend, and a beacon of hope in my darkest hour. He believed in me when I had lost all faith in myself.

Under his guidance, I slowly regained the confidence I once lost and rebuilt my life.

My savior made me remind myself that every brick was just another opportunity to build something stronger. He was my rock and my reason to go forward. He gave me a hand to hold on to when I was on the verge of falling off a cliff. He was the very reason I am here today.

And now, as I look back at my life, I see a magnificent castle standing tall, built with every brick that life had thrown at me. It's not just a physical castle but a castle of strength, resilience, and perseverance. It may not be perfect, but it's mine, and it's a testament to my resilience and determination.

Life is full hardship, ups and downs, and unexpected twists and turns. It has a funny way of testing us. It can be cruel and unforgiving, but it can also be kind and rewarding. But through all the hardships,
you should never lose hope.

I realized that life's challenges were there to shape me into the strong and resilient person I am today. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Because I am a capable, strong, and resilient young woman, and I am ready to take on whatever life had in store for me. I am the architect of my own destiny.