opposites attract

pretty

everything is going to be fine.

i look at myself in the mirror trying to convince myself. that dark and unsettling feeling was trying to creep it's way back inside. i want to cry but at the same time, i just feel numb.

"ready?" delilah asks from the hallway. "yes." i say loud enough for her to hear me. i tell myself not to let the depression consume me. i never know how long it'll last. plus it always comes back.

i sigh on my way out of my bathroom, throwing my sunglasses on. i grab my wallet and put it in my back pocket before leaving my room. the smell of incense in the hall immediately uplifts my mood. "you look cute." delilah puts her shoes on by the door. "thank you, so do you." i prepare myself to go out into the real world.

for a while now, i was bound to our house and the beach. i didn't dare go anywhere else but every two weeks i was forced to accompany delilah to the grocery store.

i follow her around like a lost puppy as she locks up and walks to her car. my eyes wander over to the newbies house. i'm actually excited to watch them practice later.

more importantly, i'm excited to see him. to see his creative process. to see him do what he's passionate about.

"ameena it's open." delilahs voice brings me back. "oh." i open the passenger side door and get inside. i like being in delilahs car, it smells like her. vanilla and lavender, it was her personal scent. i wonder what's mine.

"where do you go when you're thinking? invite me into your psyche." d asks putting on her seatbelt. "i don't think you'd like it there," i do the same.

"i don't know where i go, i just have a thought and that thought becomes another thought and another and i get stuck thinking." i explain.

"wow, you perfectly described overthinking." she's sarcastic. "ha ha." i fake laugh. "or as i like to call it, analysis paralysis." she turns her body and faces behind us to back up the car.

"analysis paralysis?" i turn towards her. once she starts driving i allow myself to relax. "yes, if you want to get technical with it."

analysis paralysis. i like the way it rolls off the tongue. analysis. paralysis.

i do feel pretty paralyzed by my thoughts.

"thanks for coming with me." delilah looks at me for a brief second. "i had a choice?" i look out the window feeling comforted by way the car glides across the road.

my friend over-exaggerates her groan. "you always have a choice...and god forbid you to hang out with your best friend outside of the house for once. and before you say the beach, that doesn't count. we're literally going grocery shopping."

i open my mouth about to speak but quickly stop myself. i knew it! i'm a bad friend!

"oh my god, i'm annoying aren't i? i'm a bad friend!" the horror of that being true makes my eyes widen. "no ameena, you're not annoying and you're not a bad friend. you're just very introverted and i'm very extroverted. but you do act like you're allergic to being 50 feet outside of the house."

she's so blunt, i respect that.

"okay from now on we can go anywhere and do anything you want. i swear." i hope she hears my desperate plea. with my hands together interlocked i shake them dramatically. she laughs stopping the car at a red light.