Broken Mate

Chapter Twelve

Alexander Williams

Co-dependent.

I strapped myself to Knox without his permission. I added my life to his list of worries, and like a psycho i tried to kill myself after we met.

Notenoughnotenoughnotenough.

Fuck- stop it. I curl in on myself, covering my ears with my hands. Deep breaths Xan, in, out, in, out. Fuckfuckfuck.

It's fine, it's okay. In. Hold. Out. My muscles relax, and my head clears. For a second.

"Xan? You okay?" Knox's voice comes from the hall. Taking another deep breath, I'm pushing myself off the bathroom floor. Opening the bathroom door, my eyes found him. Those gray eyes.

"What's up?" I ask, forcing my voice to be steady. Forcing myself to be okay. His brows furrow, and his eyes roam my body.

"You okay?" he asks, concerned in his tone. I nod, clearing my throat.

"Yeah, I'm good," I nod again. He nods back, turns on his heel, then turns back.

"You're not, and I don't understand what happened. Can you explain to me what's going on?" he says, apparently seeing through my fake smiles.

My brows furrow, and I wrap my arms around myself.

Not enough.

Not

Enough

"I'm just tired-"

"I don't like the bullshit Alexander." he cuts me off, raising a brow.

"What bullshit?"

"We're really gonna do this?" he crosses his arms, leaning against the door frame.

"I don't want to talk about it, honestly" honestly it is i guess.

"I think you should, if not with me, with someone" his eyes roam my body again. "Is this about the meeting? Are you being codependent?"

"You mean shackling you to me?" I scoff, tightening my arms around myself.

"Is that what you think? Angel.. That's not how I see it." He steps closer, pulling my arms from around my body. His hands are in mine, holding them. They're so warm.

"We aren't shackled, we're healing. I'm healing because of you, you're learning to heal because of me. We're going through this together. Your wounds are just deeper baby, fuck. You really think that?" The hurt in his voice sends panic flooding through my body.

"I'm sorry, i didn't-"

"Don't be sorry" he squeezes my hands, pulling my body to his. His arms circle my waist, and we're pressed together. There's no space between us. "Us being together right now is helping you, Xan. But I have the choice to leave. I'm choosing you to stay. Because I want to." he pulls away slightly, looking at my face. His eyes are glossy. Did I do that?

"You're gonna cry" I whisper, my fingertips touching his cheeks. "Why?"

"Because this is a hard angel. Real fucking hard"

"I'm sorry I'm making it hard"

"You're not. But you're putting all the pressure on yourself, and it's hard because I don't know what to do to help. I wish i could make you understand that not everything is your fault"

But it is.

I don't say it, no. I'm not stupid, I know he'd just deny it. But the truth, the truth is it is my fault. I'm putting him through pain and grief again. He lost his prior mate, and I tried to put him through that again. Hell, I haven't even asked about his mate. Or tried to hear about her.