Chapter Twenty

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Alexander Williams

"How have you been feeling?" Emily, my therapist asks as she crosses her legs.

"Better" I murmured, tugging at my fingers. She nods, taping the back of her pen on her leg. She stares at me for a few more moments, before finally speaking.

"How's having a mate? Have you guys completed the bond?" She knows we haven't, because I don't have the big mark on my neck, but she's asking for a reason.

"No, we haven't"

"Do you want to?" she asks, tilting her head.

"Yeah" I nod, staring at a spot on the wall. "I have been thinking about it lately. I really think I'm ready. I want to, but I don't know if he does. I don't know if he's really ready to tie himself to me. I'm still a mess"

"He's been around for a while now. Don't you think he deserves more credit than that? It seems like he's very committed" she says, pulling her laptop onto her lap.

"I guess so. I just know the bad days are bad"

"And he holds you through them, isn't that what you said?" she asks, leaning back in her chair. "In fact, you said it was the shortest, what did you call it. Ah, 'It was the shortest episode I've ever had' those are your words, Xan"

"I know, but how do I know he wants this forever?"

"People don't tend to do things they don't want to do. If he's doing it, it's because he wants to. Not everyone has some sort of malice intentions. Not everyone is good, but it's not fair to assume the worst"

I nod, taking her words in. She's right, of course she is. But I guess it's easier to assume he wouldn't want me. My brain tells me that I'm not worth it.

But I am. I'm worthy of love. I'm worth having someone stick around.

My back straightens, and Emily raises a brow. "What just happened?"

"I'm worth it" I nod, and she smiles.

"Yes, you are Xan."

—-

"You've been able to do more without Knox?" Dad asks, as I pick apart my wings. I drip some of the shredded meat into ranch, nodding.

"Yeah, I went to therapy this week alone. He also had to talk to Noah about his teaching position and I stayed home alone. I've been doing good. I get a little anxious, but it's not like crippling "I murmur the words, taking a drink of my lemonade.

"That's good, babe. How does it feel?"

"Freeing" I pick apart another set of four wings, as dad eats his pizza.

"We're going to Bran's later this week for dinner. Are you guys coming?" Dad asks, wiping the corner of his lips.

"Yeah, are Layla and Callie gonna be there?"

"Yeah"

"How are they doing?"

"Really well from what Lay has said. She said it's not what she was expecting. I'm glad she found her person. You all deserve to be happy." Dad's words hit my chest hard, and my eyes flick between his.

"Are you happy?" I whisper, and dad's eyes gloss over slightly.

"All I've ever wanted was all three of you to be happy. Almost losing Bran, your mental health, and Layla being heartbroken over Noah was hard for everyone. It is. But Bran is doing good, Layla is happy, and you baby? You've smiled four times since being here. Real smiles. I haven't seen them like that in years. I just want my kids to be happy. I wasn't a happy kid, but having you guys changed a lot for me."

Dad's words warm my chest, and he gives me one of his dimple smiles, that match my own. I know dad had it rough, and I'm so happy he finds happiness within us.

"I love you, dad"

"I love you more, Xan"

"How was lunch with your dad?" Knox asks, typing away on his laptop. I set down my bag of leftovers and my drink on the counter.

"It was heartwarming" I put away my stuff, and take a sip of my drink as I made my way to my mate. He's sitting on the couch, shirtless with sweats on.

Knox is so sexy, and lately I've been finding him more and more attractive. It's ridiculous how fine he is.

"What?" Knox asks, setting his laptop on the cushion beside him. I take that as an invite, thank you.

I set my drink on the table, and climb into his lap. I straddle his thighs, and his arms circle my waist. "You're just really hot" I whisper, and he gives me a lazy smirk.

"Oh yeah?" He pulls me close to his chest, and I nod.

"Very" I lazily roll my hips, and a deep groan comes from Knox.

"I can't right now. I have a zoom call soon" he kisses over my pulse.

"I want to mark, and mate" I chew the inside of my cheek as Knox stiffins under me.

"Why?" he asks, pulling back to look at me. My heart starts to beat harder, and all the negative thoughts start, but I stop them, take a deep breath and speak.

"I want to feel closer to you. I'm ready for more. I feel good. I've been feeling good. I want to take the next step in our relationship "I state all my reasons, my eyes flickering between his gray ones.

He nods, rubbing small circles on my hips. "Okay, i think we should probably have a conversation about who's doing what then"

"I want to bottom," I nod. "I've always wanted to. I don't see myself as a top, and I don't want to be. If you want to bottom we could talk about it, though"

"I'm okay with either." Knox nods. "I'll stop. Have you ever.. Fingered yourself or anything?"

"No" I shake my head, as heat swarms my belly. "I never thought about it"

"Maybe we should try that first?"

"We could do it at the same time. If i don't like it then we could always stop and talk about it" i wrap my arms loosely around his neck. "I'm ready if you are. Obviously not right this second. But there's no need to wait on my account. Is it something you want?"

He pulls me closer to his body, his lips nearly touching my ear. "Do I want to sink my cock into your tight little hole? Absolutely. Do I want to mark you as mine, and feel you through the bond? I'm so ready, Xan" he murmurs.

Blood surges through me, gathering in my cock making me hard instantly.

"Are you sure you have a zoom call?" I whine, shifting in his lap. He chuckles, kissing my temple.

"Yeah angel, I do. I need to go get dressed, and you need to take your meds. We will talk later about this, but i don't want to rush it either" he helps me to my feet, kissing me once and then goes and gets ready for his stupid zoom call.

I pout for a second, but then I'm too excited to stay that way.

He wants me.

I'm enough.

I'm enough for him.

And for me.

I'm worth it. 

..........

Do we see Knox as a bottom? I don't, because Xan is really small, and In my head it just doesn't work lol. What do you think??

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