A Dance to Death

Water

"Who stinks?" I ask, plugging my nose from the stench.
"All of us." Dabi replies, holding my waist.
I shake my head, "I don't stink. Unlike most of you, I know what deodorant is and I use dry shampoo. I hate smelling bad."
"Not all of us can manipulate shadows and steal products like you can, Pey." Toga sighed, "Though, it would be nice to be clean. I have dry blood on me."
"Why don't you like dry blood?" Twice questioned.
Toga threw one of her knives against the wall, "It's not the same when it's dry. Liquid blood gives a certain rush that dry blood can't give me. Dry blood is like a fetus." She explains, "The action before the fetus gives you that rush, that pleasure, but then the fetus comes around and clings onto you. It's no longer fun because now your body and your partner are burdened with the child growing inside of you."
I hold in my laugher, "Toga, you really are a crazy bitch."
She smiles at my comment, "Awh, thank you!"

Water surrounded my body. It was burning hot and stung my skin.
"What if I put my head under water? Would that make the voices go away?" I questioned myself.
I looked at my body. It didn't have scars. It didn't have marks. It was pure.
I plugged my nose. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and submerged myself into the burning water.
"Peyusha!" A voice called, pulling me up.
My eyes opened and I saw my mother.
"What do you think you're doing?" She scolded, "How dare you try something like this!"
I blinked softly, "What do you think you're doing watching me bathe, mother? I'm old enough to clean myself."
In a flash, she raised her hand and a sharp pain covered my cheek.

"What's your deal, Pey?" Toga asks, genuinely curious.
I raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
She glared at me, "I mean, what's your problem? Why are you here in the first place? What made you crazy? What is your deal?!"
I shrug, "I don't know. There's a lot wrong with me, Toga. If anything, I'm like this because of my dad's death."
"Your dad is dead? Wow... I just thought he like ran away."
"I'm fatherless, but not because my dad didn't love me. In fact, he loved me a lot. I had a strong relationship with my father. When we found out I was going insane, instead of ignoring me like my mother did, my father made me feel even more loved. He kept me sane. His accident is one that weighs heavy on my shoulders..."
"What happened to him?"
"The details will be for a later date. I don't think I'm ready to talk about what happened to him yet..."

I felt the hot water rush down my body. Soap ran off my scarred arms. Despite the water being as hot as possible, it was too cold for me. I felt a sense of cold numbness surround my body most days, so showers were one of the ways I stopped feeling that cold numbness. As of recently, they've stopped giving me the sensation of being a different person. Now I'm just cold. The thing is, I don't know who I was without my father, without my sister, without Dabi. All I can see was how much my sister had changed, and how much Dabi loved me. Yuudai was always like me in a way, but she had it all. Our mother favored her, she had perfect grades, a useful quirk, and wasn't going too crazy. She had hope. I don't. I will never be perfect like her. It's better just to accept it now.