Codependency

Part 7 // The way things were

Adora shivered with cold, then with heat. She was freezing. She was drenched in sweat. Her arm throbbed and burned and made her wish she could just fucking sleep. The feverish girl opened her eyes a sliver to peer at her infected wound. Her right arm had a long gash that Catra hadn't bothered to bandage until the day after she'd inflicted it. Then, she'd gone off to fight, or conquer, or kill, or whatever the... Hell, her arm was pulsing.  Adora closed her eyes.

"Catra..." She mumbled, but there was no telling when Catra might return. Why do I even want to see her? After everything she had done. Just... Catra was the only company she could have. Catra had begun to leave the door barred from the outside. No chance of seeking help or comfort from Lonnie, Kyle, or any other cadet she knew. So now, it was just- sit and wait for Catra to come back.

The name was on her tongue before she could prevent it.
"She-ra..." It mulled over in her head. A whisper of an image flickered like a flame at the edge of her memories. It only brought questions. Horde soldiers surrounding a... Horse? Why use a sword when your enemies have guns? WHO on Etheria is that gorgeous sparkle-girl?
Adora's eyes shot open. That had to be a princess. Had she been fighting princesses and they took her away? Catra must be disappointed that she'd been captured so easily. But she has to be mistaken. I was never friends with a rebellion fighter. Maybe this could be fixed. Adora just had to convince Catra that she had never betrayed the Horde.

An agonizingly long time later- Adora wasn't sure, there was no clock or window in Catra's room- Catra reentered her personal quarters and dropped her helmet on the floor. It left a clattering echo that snapped Adora out of her feverish daze.
"Catra..." she croaked weakly. "You're back."
Catra stepped up to the cot and looked down her nose at Adora.
"Hmm. Good thing I brought medicine." Catra murmured as she peered at the gash on Adora's arm.
Adora felt a surge of relief.
"Any painkillers?" She dared to hope.
Catra pulled out a large folded leaf from a pouch around her waist. As she unfolded it, the pungent scent of herbs made Adora's nose twitch. Catra used a free hand to tug off the loose bindings around Adora's arm.
"My mission wasn't a success, but we still obtained something very valuable." Catra told her, dragging her finger through a sticky poultice that oozed from the leaf.
"Now the Horde practically has an unlimited supply of medicinal herbs."
Adora winced as Catra pressed the ointment into the wound.
"How did you do that?" Adora asked, attempting to keep a non-hostile conversation going.
Catra considered Adora for a moment.
"Etherian magic."
"Enemy tech?"
"Enemy magic."

Adora squinted at her. "A magical... weapon?" That sounded right for some reason.
Catra's eyes flashed dangerously. "No magical weapons. There are no magical weapons anywhere. Don't talk about that."
Adora broke eye contact. "Okay. I just don't understand."
Catra pressed more goop onto Adora's wound, which was starting to go numb. Adora's tenseness dissolved. Catra tossed the leaf aside and climbed over Adora very suddenly. Adora yelped, but catra just crawled over her and sat next to her.
"We caught someone who makes plants. I don't know why I bother telling you anything though." Catra huffed. "You're not on the list of people the Horde trusts with confidential information."
Adora looked at Catra again hopefully.
"That's good. I mean, that you caught such a valuable asset."
Catra raised an eyebrow, her gaze skeptical.
Adora pressed on quickly.
"Like, it'll probably be really great for the Horde!"
Catra stared at Adora from narrowed eyes. Adora couldn't suppress an anxious cough. Catra broke into a pleasant laugh.
"You don't even know how funny you sound. It's like an inside joke I get to know and you don't."
Adora tried not to show her irritation with the snide remark.
"I'm serious. I'm... glad that you're winning so many battles. You work too hard for any other results." She flattered the Force Captain.
Catra laughed again and patronizingly patted Adora on the face twice, leaving it stinging just a bit from the impact.
"I bet you are glad, Adora. I bet you are."
It was like Catra intentionally ignored any attempt at flattery. Adora went on anyway.
"Why shouldn't I be glad? I'm a Horde soldier." She tried. "Don't laugh again, you...!" Adora frowned deeply at Catra, who snorted with laughter yet again.
"Honestly, go on. It's cute how you keep trying to be in league with me."
Adora became flustered, but this was better than being beaten, wasn't it? Go for this behavior. Reward Catra for her snark, avoid the violence.
"Cute, huh?" Adora blinked innocently at the girl sitting next to her.
Catra let out a faint hiss.
"You know I mean the irony. God, you're dense."
Adora shrugged, which made her wound jolt in pain. She ignored it.
"I actually don't know what irony you're talking about. If you hadn't noticed, I thought I was a regular Horde soldier two weeks ago."
"Part of me wanted to let you keep your memories." Catra said thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "Unfortunately, you couldn't keep enough for it to be worth having any at all. I'd still like to see you whine over your friends though."
Adora tried to sit up. It was hard. She was still hot and cold and hot and cold.
"Well, maybe that's better?" She attempted. "Maybe I don't need to know what happened. Things can just go back-"
Catra held up a hand, making Adora flinch. To her shock, Catra helped Adora sit up and held her arm to let the weak girl balance properly.
"Back to the way... they were." Adora finished awkwardly.
Catra shook her head, her expression faltering. "Not after what you did to me."
So, back to square one. Or two? Considering Catra wasn't being physical...
"I guess you did the right thing." Adora declared with an uneasy shrug. Ow, stop doing that.
Catra faced Adora with an unreadable stare. Adora carried on.
"Now that I'm home..." Adora tried to garner any reaction from Catra's expression as she spoke carefully. "It should be... easier. To win the war."
Catra flicked some debris from her own shoulder. It bounced off the wall and rolled under the cot.
"I don't want easy. I don't need things spoon-fed to me, like you've had." She growled.
Still just a brick wall. Adora would get through to Catra. She had before.
"Well, neither do I." Adora argued. "I don't know why I would have ever left you, but I'm sure this is the real me. The princesses probably had me under some spell, you know? I mean, doesn't 'She-ra' sound like a curse?"
Catra finally seemed at a loss for words. Not in a shocked or irritated way, but she appeared to truly be thinking. Adora pressed her advantage.
"I wouldn't be friends with a princess. They're ruthless killers."
Catra looked annoyed now.
"I should have let you keep some of your memories. You need to know what you did."

Adora didn't reply. She didn't know if she should say anything now. The time of reasonable conversation seemed to have passed with Catra's mood. Catra let go of Adora's arm, letting the girl fall back against the cot. She felt dizzy from just the soft impact.
"Catra... I don't want my memories back." Adora murmured. "Things are better without magic in my head... right?"
Catra turned away from her.
"At least we agree on one thing. But it's just too late."
Adora stared at the back of Catra's head. This time, Catra had looked away first. Maybe that meant she was slowly breaking. Adora could still do this, she just had to try a different approach.

(So this image (not mine!) is sorta the direction I'm taking this story in. So future warning for victim blaming, self blaming, and switched up possessiveness. LOL catra thought she was in charge)