Galimgim

/3/ How I Got This Way

'You are a victim of the rules you live by.'

—Jenny Holzer; artist, thinker, blurter of brilliance

I used to think that I was in control of whatever I do, but the truth is, I am not in control. My subconscious mind made me do it.

Minsan sa buhay ko, akala ko talaga may pagkakataon kahit minsanan lang na ako naman ang nagdedesisyon para sa sarili ko. Kung minsanan na nga lang mabigyan ng pagkakataon, hindi ko pa nagawa ng naaayon sa dapat isipin. Ang ibig kong sabihin, I acted out of impulse that I did the wrong thing.

Binalikan ko ang mga pagkakataon na 'yun, naisip na ako naman talaga ang dapat sisihin, wala ng iba. Sabi nga nila, you deserve what you tolerate. I had the chance to stand my point but did not do it just because of fear.

I want to turn myself as spectacularly as me, so I should stop at nothing. There is nothing cooler than watching my entire life shift into one that is the perfect expression of me. Nagbabaga ako sa determinasyon.

Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng matinding pagkagusto na baguhin kung ano man ang naging pagkakamali ko. Maging sa pag-iisip man ito o maging sa takbo ng buhay. I realized that I could do better than what I am yesterday.

Nagkaroon ako ng bagong challenge para sa sarili. To be my better self than what I am yesterday. I can't wait to see how my life would turn out.

I want to become an engineer. I'll tell my parents about it but if it happens that they won't like it, I'll hear their opinions but when I'm certain about something, I don't let go of it easily. Meaning, I'll still chase my dreams even if it means leaving someone, for the sake of it.

I am young and while I still have the strength, I wouldn't let it go off the hook. This is why I am in this world, right? Dahil kung nandito lang ako para sa wala, ano ang dahilan at nabuhay pa ako sa mundong ito?

Ofcourse, I know that my calling isn't that clear yet but one thing's for sure; Iam not bound to be this way everyday in my life. Everyday, I am going to make astep. Everyday is another chance to take the leap.