Galimgim

/13/ Connected

We studied until eleven that night. My brain was shutting down, refusing to absorb another formula or definition. My eyelids grew heavy, and a yawn slipped out before I could stop it.

"Let's stop here. We'll finish the rest tomorrow," Christian suggested, his voice calm and steady.

I nodded, unable to hide how drained I felt. Unlike me, he didn't look the least bit bored or tired. His eyes still gleamed with focus and determination, his lips pressed into a quiet, satisfied smile.

He was enjoying this---actually enjoying it. Meanwhile, I was fighting to keep my eyes open. And yet, even though I wanted to spend more time with him, my body begged for rest.

As I struggled against drowsiness, a thought tugged at me: If this is the key to his heart---studying with him, being by his side every step of the way---would I do it? Would I sacrifice my privacy just to stay connected to him?

That night, we shared the same bed again. It was wide enough to give us space, but still... the urge was there. I wanted to inch closer, to wrap my arms around him, to feel his warmth. The desire was almost unbearable. 

When the person you love is lying so close, your heart pulls you in countless directions. You want to obey every command of your feelings, but fear holds you back. I chose restraint. It was safer to endure than to risk humiliation---something I might regret in the morning. 

Eventually, exhaustion won. I drifted off, though it took me longer than I expected. Even as sleep crept in, I wondered if he noticed my restlessness. 

The next morning, he gently woke me up. His voice was soft, almost apologetic. "Sorry, Iris. But we need to keep going. All our studying would be wasted if we don't push through and aim for the top." 

He was right. He always was.

Then he added, almost as an afterthought, "You look... good."

I blinked at him, startled. My cheeks warmed instantly. Good? In the morning? I wanted to believe him, though doubt still lingered. 

"T-thanks," I managed awkwardly.

We entered school together, but the day's busyness kept us apart until lunchtime. As always, he  reminded me not to skip my meal---and even packed lunch for us both.

Over lunch, curiosity gnawed at me. I asked, trying to sound casual, "Christian, do you find any of our classmates pretty? Or maybe someone from another section? Or another year?"

It was my indirect way of asking who he liked. If he did like someone, it would hurt---but at least I'd know his type.

His eyes didn't waver. "You."

My heart skipped a beat. "M-me?"

He chuckled. "Yes, you."

"For me, it's Ana," I answered feeling disheartened, thinking that he doesn't want to answer my question that's why he's asking it back to me.

His expression tightened, and for a moment I worried I had upset him. "Why are you answering? I'm the one being asked," he said, a little annoyed. 

"Then who is it, really, Christian?"

"I already told you--- it's you, Iris."

I froze. Me? He really meant it?

But I reminded myself not to assume too much. Finding someone pretty was different from loving them. Still, warmth spread through me at his honesty. 

We laughed it off, and he explained gently, "You really are beautiful, Iris. You just don't see it because you compare yourself to others too much. You're good at seeing the good in other people, but you're blind to your own."

His words melted something inside me. Maybe... maybe he was right. 

When he asked me in return who I find handsome, I boldly said, "You."

He grinned mischievously. "I can't deny that. I know myself better than you do." 

We laughed again, the tension easing, and soon we were back to our books. Something had shifted between us that day---something deeper. 

*

The exams came, and I almost broke. Confidence betrayed me; the test wasn't as easy as I had imagined. My answers felt clumsy, my hands shaky. Afterwards, disappointment consumed me. I should have studied more. I should have studied earlier. I should have prepared better.

Regret weighed me down until Christian found me, my face clouded with guilt. He slipped an arm around my shoulders. 

"You did great, Iris. Don't punish yourself too much."

The sincerity in his voice washed over me like a balm. I smiled weakly, then hugged him tightly. His embrace felt like home, the only place I wanted to be. He patted my shoulders, reassuring me that simply finishing the exam was already something to be proud of. 

And just like that---the exams were over. Vacation was finally here. 

I should have been thrilled, but a pang of sadness hit me. After today, Christian and I would part ways for the summer. What if we weren't classmates next year? The thought stung. 

Then, he turned me with a quiet smile. 

"We'll take a vacation together."

My heart lurched. W-what? Why me?

"I haven't planned mine yet," he said softly. "But I'd love to spend it with you."

My eyes burned. He was giving me a hint, wasn't he? 

"Christian..."

He looked at me intently. "I know what you're thinking. Yes, I love you. From the very first I saw you. I know it's not the right time yet. I'm willing to wait. Scratch that---I'll always wait. I just wanted you to know. If it makes you uncomfortable, we can stay friends. Just... don't leave me."

His honesty shook me. My heart screamed yes, but my mind held me back.

"I like you too, Christian," I admitted, my voice trembling. "But we both know we can't be more than friends right now. We'll be too busy, and I don't want to give you just pieces of me. If I'm ever in a relationship, I want to give my all. You deserve that."

He smiled sadly, and I smiled back. We agreed to remain friends---for now. Friends with mutual feelings, waiting for the right time. 

That night, he invited me to dinner at a restaurant. I wanted to say no, to ask if we could just eat at his place---because honestly, I liked his cooking more. But it didn't matter. What mattered was that we were together. 

Vacation came, and instead of parting, we stayed close. He even helped me study in advance, connecting me with seniors who could guide us. Time flew by quickly, and before I realized it, enrollment was upon us. The nights changed fast, but my feelings for him remained.