(DANIEL'S POV)
"It can't be."
"My sincere condolences to you, Mr. Wellington." I hear the doctor's words but I can't focus on them. I think I am zoning out. It still can't be.
"Would you like some time alone to digest the news or do you want to see her maybe..." He pats my shoulder while I take my head into my hands, totally in shock. Do I want to see her or be left alone? I want her to wake up and say it was just a prank.
"Mr. Wellington, do you understand what I am saying?" I am dragged back to myself. I don't think I heard what he said before.
"Can you give me a minute, please? It's so... Unexpected."
"Of course, I understand. Take the time you need." He says before walking away from me and the weight he just left on my shoulder.
My brain can't begin to process the news. That is absolutely not the type of news you expect to hear when the deceased one was doing great the previous day. And I insist on the word 'great' because she got up with the most beautiful smile, took a long shower, put on a bright, colorful outfit and make-up. She had me take a picture of her and save it for when she would be gone. Exactly what she said. Did she know?
She had a tasty breakfast. Everything she likes on her plate. I was so pleased to see her brought back to life and so happy. Not a second did I think her demons were still so hard on her. Had I known...
My goodness. I don't know what to think of all of this. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she went to war without telling anyone and that she may have caused herself the greatest misery. And death.
Am I so easily fooled or am I so blind that I didn't even see how much she was struggling? I am going to lose my mind if I keep on questioning myself and expect to get the answers. I need to talk to that doctor again.
*
"Danny, it's not funny. Why would you say something like that?" Aiden rages into the phone. I wish I could tell her it really is a joke but it would be a lie.
"Yeah. Killing my mom is the only thing I thought of to lure you back into my arms." I say on a plain tone.
"Quit playing, You fool. I'm warning you, if that is not true, I'm coming over to make sure you are dead by five." Everyone has a way to cope with death. Some people cry. Some people laugh. Some people stay in a state of shock or disbelief like I am right now. And then there is Aiden's reaction. A little more 'aidenly'. To each their own.
"Do I have a reason left to live now?" I am deprived of strength. I have been sitting in the waiting room for an hour, unable to go see her.
After the doctor told me she might have taken that much drugs to end her life on purpose, everything just went blank in my head. There is a chance it was just a relapse and she didn't just leave me here in this atrocious way.
"Oh, fuck! What happened?" She asks hesitantly, certainly suspecting something awful.
"Nasty kind of stuff. She either committed suicide or she needed a fix so bad while it's been so long since the last time she had one that she took too much of it. Whatever it is, it's gonna be overdose on that fucking death certificate." Did she even think about it?
I am met with the longest silence and it takes everything in me to stay on the phone.
"I don't think she did it on purpose Danny. Your mom would never do that. She loves you too much." Oh well...
"She loved me. Gotta conjugate those verbs to past tense now, babe. And if she loved me that much, she would still be here." There is something sour starting to build up inside. I don't want to feel it but I can't stop it either.
