(JESSE'S POV)
"I have received the money for the rent. Thank you. I'll come by tonight to try and fix the broken window. Make sure you're safe inside till then." I say to Aiden on the phone and hang up after another smart mouth response from her. I should have expected that.
"So, where are we going, Princess? Yeah, to the doctor." I glance at my little sister in the car seat while I drive us to her appointment. She was born before term and still has regular check ups with one of dad's friend to make sure she is okay.
I seriously don't understand what my cruel dad is up to. His baby mama is an inconvenience but he is keeping her safe somewhere and has doctors taking care of her even though she is going to leave us soon. Then he has me taking care of his daughter, sending money for her, making sure we have a house and doctor appointments but doesn't ever ask if she is okay or visit.
I don't know what to think of this. I need to find a way out of this tunnel. I am tired of feeling stuck in the dark, not knowing where to place the next step. I can't leave her but I also can't become a single dad to my father's baby who is also my sister. This is so messed up.
"I need to find you a nanny, Mae. One that's gonna take good care of you while I go to work. Daddy is sending us a lot of money but that's just for your well-being and comfort. And I want my own money, not his. You'll understand when you grow up, baby sister." I tell her and she just looks around like she is trying to see where my voice is coming from.
I haven't been around babies a lot but she is the sweetest of them all. I learned a thing or two from my aunts when they gave birth to my little cousins, like changing diapers and making them a bottle. But the hardest part is having to do it over and over again, even in the middle of the night when my body doesn't want to respond to the call. Gosh, my shift never ends.
My biggest fear now is falling asleep, unable to hear her when she wakes up for her bottle or needs a nappy change. Just the thought of it makes me so anxious that I have set multiple alarms to make sure I wake up every hour.
This new sleep schedule is not doing any good to my body. Imagine being so tired, your body shuts down while you're driving and you end up in a tree. Those stitches were nothing compared to what could have happened to me or Mae. I am grateful that we are both okay.
I am also very much irritated. Any little thing that happens pisses me off. I forgot to press the start button on the washing machine last night and was mad to the core when I realized that in the morning. And there was nothing in it that I needed urgently. I hit the control panel so hard that it has stopped working. Now I have to find someone to come and fix it without them seeing or hearing Mae.
I can't possibly go to Aiden to ask for help. How am I going to explain why I have dirty baby clothes? That is the weirdest shit ever. Well, maybe not weirder than going to the laundromat. But knowing Aiden, she is for sure going to think I have a sort of fetish with babies instead of just assuming I have a baby. She is probably going to make a scene, asking a lot of questions and complicate things.
"You better not poop in your onesie today, Mae. Your big brother's anger issues have yet again put us in a fu- Funny position." I seriously need to renew my vocabulary to match my new position.
I opened my big mouth and said I was going to take care of her but I am not ready for that. There are so many things I wanted to do for myself before getting into parenting. How am I going to raise a baby for heaven's sake? I can't even do the needful to stay hydrated or have three meals a day. I am always in a rush, always tired, always mad. I am getting forgetful like an eighty year old and I am only twenty nine.
I don't regret taking her with me though. I know what kind of life she would have had with dad. If she was a boy, things would have been really different. He would have found a way to make him a part of the family. He would be proud to have a heir that he could raise into a man just like him since I turned my back on him.
