A New Beginning

Chapter 19: A New Beginning

We were casually on a long drive, I enjoyed our comfortable silence. I felt like I was in the right place.

I leaned in slightly closer to Ayato as he kept his gaze fixated on the road occasionally stealing a glance at my face. My lips to be specific maybe he was contemplating whether to kiss me or not?

I couldn't say for sure, his grey eyes were complicated. I could sense anticipation in his aura as he continued driving. He then randomly reached out one hand, holding mine and rubbing the pad of his thumb against the back of my hand comfortingly almost. I smiled a little, "You're so needy for touches."

Ayato glanced with a smirk, steering with one hand, "There's more to touch of you, sweetheart."

I blushed.

"You're cute when you're all flushed and red, y'know?" Ayato teased before he slowly brought my hand up to his mouth, gently giving it a small kiss, "You're my everything, I wanna keep you forever."

"And I wanna stay forever."

We stayed like that for a long while of silence again, and then Ayato suddenly spoke up.

"Hey, why did you approach me when Taeko broke my heart?" Ayato asked and I fell quite for a long while.

I gently smiled at him, looking at his handsome facial features. Those grey eyes, those pale cheeks now tinted with a rosy pink shade. Those pink lips. Those muscles...

I couldnt help feel the butterflies everytime I looked at him, it always felt different every specific time. Sometimes it made me all giddy, sometimes it made me thoughtful- sometimes a bit of both but I could talk about him the entire day, the entire night and probably my whole life long. That's how important he was to me.

But I knew no matter how I explained it to him, the sad truth remained- he'd never see himself with my eyes. He'd never ever see himself the way I saw him.

Special.

In one word.

Special.

"Hm?" It was only then when he hummed for my response and I snapped out from the trance I fell into wondering about his beauty to the ways he made me feel. I tried to come to a worthy response but I couldn't exactly phrase the way I felt about the entire scenario which led to us being friends at the first place.

"Well..."

I tried to stall but it really wasn't of much help, after a while of just sitting there trying to gather my thoughts, I finally was able to speak up, "Honestly I didn't know why I was doing what I did but when i saw you, the empty, lifeless look in those beautiful eyes and I didn't know why you didnt smile. Even though, I had not seen you smile or laugh, I knew every bit of those expressions would be cherished for you didn't really reflect how you felt or if you even felt that is..." I paused.

"But to put it simply is difficult. My whole life I didn't ever meet anyone who's so detached from their feelings, from their classmates and people around them and I suppose I always grew around cheerful people so you were a contrast.  A nice contrast, something which made my canvas brighter. Though you barely showed emotions and were always so dull, it was a difference to me. A difference that I cherish."

"You were certainly the one for me. Especially after I did get to know what you did to get to me, I felt special. A sort of special I never felt. Some may call it immoral to murder for love but to me? Murdering for love, IS the way to get to love. True love. Love isnt always just handed out to people for it is only those blessed who get the chance. But to most of us, love is something to earn. You showed that to me. Your hardwork, your determination, the way you killed all those people just for the sake of being mine and me being yours? It shows a lot about your character and behaviour. I'm in love with you, Ayato."

He didn't answer, it was as if he didn't expect my sudden declaration of love to him. He then smiled though his usually expressionless eyes had tears in them and he looked truly content now, I smiled at the sight. It was surely a little rare and I loved every bit of that, I giggled.

"C'mon, don't cry now, it's okay."

He smiled despite his glossy eyes and then nodded as he drove, his hand was gripping the steering wheel a tad bit tighter. I could only imagine how fast his heartbeat could be right now, he always got really tense whenever I declared my love to him and his heartbeat would always skyrocket.

Usually at times like this, I'd put my head on his chest and listen to the subtle sounds of his heartbeat through his chest, it was always my comfort sound. Even when I had panic attacks or anxiety problems, I did that, it always brought my peace.

"Ayato, where are we going?"

He didn't answer and then whispered, "Someplace you're deserving of."

I blinked surprise. I didn't know what he meant by that, as he drove he spoke, "When you suddenly reached out to me, I felt like there was hope again in my life. Though I did hold the knife again once you did come in my life, it was only because I was afraid of losing you, and it will always be my first fear. You are my only special person. And I suppose it will remain that way until we have children. But honestly, I don't want to murder anymore. I don't want to spill blood anymore because I can't risk being arrested since now I am your man and I have responsibilities... I can't leave you be. I love you too, Y/N darling."

We continued with the drive though it was silence most of the time, the air was tense with the anticipation. I had no idea where we were going and given the way he was constantly sneaking glances at me it sort of felt like he didn't know either. But that was okay, as long as we were together right?

We stopped abruptly in middle of apparently nowhere. He then got out of the car, guiding me to this hidden staircase. It wasn't anything shabby or creepy. The wood of the stairs were well polished and I could say, well taken care of. This wasn't where he was gonna kill me...

I made my way up the stairs, allowing him to lead me with his hand gently holding mine. We reached into a beautiful cabin where I saw the bed was huge for the two of us, it was cozy inside and seemed like the perfect getaway date.

I smiled at him, knowing this was probably one of his birthday gifts for me. With a grin on my lips, I then asked, "Is this another one of your ridiculously expensive birthday gifts?"

He chuckled.

Then he shook his head as a no and the grin sort of wiped away from my face replaced with utter confusion. Then why were we here? I decided not to question, not wanting to sound ungrateful for everything he did for my birthday anyway.

Right after, he guided me to the balcony where I could see the sunlight gleaming as it was setting. I hadnt realised this much time had passed. But then, he got on one knee suddenly.

A ring shone in a velvet box that he held open with those hands that had committed those murders to keep me his.

As I thought things couldn't get any more perfect he then said, "My dear, Y/N L/N, youve been the greatest star of my life, shining brighter than anything I have ever seen or achieved so far. You're that one Spotify playlist that's stuck in my mind in a loop. You're that one beautiful coffee cup that I can't discard. You're that beautiful painting that only proves better when tilted in a way of my pleasure. You're my universe. But even your mere existence is a spec of dust compared to my love for you. Dear love are you so beautiful but it can surpass how beautiful that soul is of yours. It's like diamonds, pearls, rubies and every gemstone that is so precious to mankind and I am the only lucky guy in the planet who gets it- it's you. It's always been you and I want it to always be you. A relationship, home, a car, a job, a vacation, a marriage, kids, grandkids and death. I want to be by your side. I want to be that one person who's voice you get tired of hearing all day long. I want you to be the same for me but I want us to be stuck like light and dark. The way in which none of the two can coexist or be valued without the other. I want to be yours and make you mine.

To be frank, all I wanted to say... Y/N L/N, will you marry me?"