Miss Waverley's Secret

2. A Disguise

Disbelief is the only emotion with which Clara can now bring herself to look in the mirror. In less than three days, the tailors spun outfits that make her look more like a gentleman than Victor could ever. The outfit, she knows, would enable her to do much more than she could have done otherwise as a woman. Victor's Grand Tour might encompass the entirity of Europe, but her tour of London as Victor, would inevitably, as she knows, include all gentlemanly pursuits. Although, as one may argue, there is more to these gentlemanly pursuits--things that she would later, upon getting to know them better, label uncouth, and undignified--than what meets the eye, some things are better left for the future, to be dealt with as they come.

Sir Walter has been especially harsh- making her walk the way a gentleman does, talk the way a gentleman does, and conduct herself in the most gentlemanly fashion. She finds it funny for the gentleman she is supposed to replace at Oxford is Victor, whose behaviour has erased traces of what it means to be one. After having spent over a decade of her life-- she would not count her years as an infant and a toddler for she was too young to know the ways of the world, let alone correctly practice them-- perfecting the charms of being a woman--one who is desirable to every gentleman, to every lord, to every prince if it be so-- acting as a man is not easy by any means. With her movements under greater control by virtue of her being a woman, the only space she has exercised absolute control is the realm of the mind. What one may not see externally, one may not control. Ever since Clara started understanding the way the world functioned-- giving all of its privileges to men, and considering women's only privilege a good match in order to secure their future-- she desired a mind of her own, one that might not waver in light of external influences. Reading, and reading extensively on a variety of topics, enabled Clara to view the world differently from the comforts of her home. That men were not to be trusted was the first thing she understood, courtesy of all authors she read. Many a book she picked affirmed her belief that there were women behind those masculine pen-names, and to discover them would be the greatest achievement of Clara's life. And while one might consider Clara's desires as futile pursuits amounting to nothing, they were grounded in the belief that women too, deserved freedom.

Grace Sedgewick, Clara's closest friend and confidant is currently in her room, sitting on the bed and leaning against the headrest, with a plate full of jam puffs in her hand. As she eats the scrumptious puffs made by Mrs. Thomas, Clara stands in front of her wardrobe, admiring the dresses she must leave behind. Grace is starkly different in her disposition, behaviour, and temperament from Clara- for her being is the embodiment of grace. She is a rather quiet girl, with few friends to talk to, but has always enjoyed the company of Clara and Victor. Two years Clara's senior, and of a marriageable age by all terms, she is not to be married so soon, for Father Leonard Sedgewick, the vicar of Crestwood and also Grace's father, has been keeping ill since the past two years. With her mother's knees which give her immense trouble and render her incapable of working to her fullest potential, Grace must now look after the house. Her older brother, John, is in a ship crew, and hence remains surrounded by water for most part of the year. He seldom touches land, and when he does, he despises it. It is too solid for him to be able to think properly. Grace is thus, the most dutiful and exemplary daughter of Crestwood.

Grace being epitomized as the ideal daughter of Crestwood remains a relief to Clara- anyone else in possession of the title would have made Clara covet it, and in order to snatch it, she would have had to be one. Although one may not call Clara a figure of excellence in terms of behaviour, she is obedient-- at least when she chooses to be so-- and maintains her dignity. Her impertinence and occasional rebellions are overshadowed by her general impression of a person of high moral bearings.

Grace places the plate on the bed and observes Clara most intriguingly. "Do you wish to tell Sir Waverley that you'd rather remain here..."

"No.", Clara says in a voice rather high-pitched. "No, I'd rather not. I wish to go."