Bill Kaulitz (Tokio Hotel) Smut & Fluff

All too well (fluff)

! WARNING ! - mention of death, gore, blood, shooting, suicide and drugs...  I recommend you do not read this if you are sensitive to the subject of suicide, because even for me who wrote books such as feel it all, I have cried writing this... I never cried as much as when writing this. I recommend also listening to Skyfall from Adele and No time to die by billie eilish with it. 

T : "you alright y/n ?" 

He asks patting my shoulder, my eyes were blood shot from all the crying and smokes from the past few weeks. I'm sitting here, on what use to be our bed.. caressing the side of the pillow were most of our memories still are. 3 weeks ago, the love of my life died, he took himself away from me, shooting himself in the head, an image ill never forget.. I had cried all the tears from my body, so many nothing came out now when I cried, it was just dry. 

Ge : "she really doesn't look okay..." 

Tom wiped my tears, for all these days.. He forced himself not to cry infront of me knowing it would trigger me in those memories I remembered all too well. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I see his shadow behind me, I see the blood splatters on my face when he shot, his hand on my cheek as he pulled that trigger... I can still hear the horribly loud bang from the gun. 

Gu : "how could she be fine you idiot..."

T : "y/n...please answer me" 

I felt toms hand against my cheek

Y/n : "i..im fine.." 

He caressed my cheek, as georg took out his phone looking at some videos on social media trying to get another image in his head then me bloodshot and crying. As he was watching those videos, he fell on a video game which let out the sound of a gun shot.. it came all back hitting me like a brick. I let out the loudest scream falling on my knees on the floor..

Ge : "fuck ! im sorry..i..I didn't know it would have the sound on ! Im sorry" 

T : "get out...both of you..let me deal with this okay ?"

They both left the room, tom jumping to get around me, wrapping his hands in a protective manner around me as I screamed and cried hitting my fist on the floor.

y/n : NOOO !!!

I screamed as he tried his hardest not to collapse and cry to the view of my pain, what bill and I had was rare... I could hear his voice to my ears whispering, "I love you darling"...."We'll be back together someday...."... "there's just no time to die..." those whispers driving me to this insanity back again and again.. Tom carried me back in bed wrapping the blanket around me trying to sooth me from my pain.. 

T : "your okay...it was just on Georg's phone" 

Y/n : "I wanna die tom..." 

His breath hitch 

T : "W..what ? No you don't...y/n please be reasonable, I know it hurts but I can assure you it will get better after a little time... your grieving... and it's tough for your body to accept it but I promise you will feel better"

y/n : "what did you guys even do with the gun.." 

T : "we didn't touch it or move it...we're waiting on the cops to come get it tomorrow... as long as that gun is here I want you to stay out of the bathroom understood ? Use the one in the guest room" 

He says trying calm me as I cried, hours went by and I had calmed down. Tom went to his bedroom, he was staying in the same house as me to keep me out of trouble, he know how unstable I was these days. 3 AM struck, it was at this exact time, 3 weeks ago.. I stand up and out of bed walking to the bathroom.. I hadn't been cleaned since the police was supposed to come tomorrow to clean up the scene and take with them the gun, the only thing that was gone was his body. As I walked on the dried blood on the floor, the blood splatters on the wall caressing my hand, I remembered it all....