The Adopted Voight

I Don't Want To Go!

Adeline Rae Carson

“The habits you created to survive will no longer serve you when it's time to thrive. Get out of survival mode. New life, new habits”

It's my first day back at school tomorrow and I'm super sad.

The past few days I liked hanging out at the District and cooking and baking.

Everything had just been so chill and relaxing.

I also liked the feeling of being taken care of.

Its been years since someone actually fussed over me and I liked having Hank fuss over what I ate and what I did.

Its comforting to know that someone cares enough about you to notice the little things you do.

Ever since I've lived with Hank, the cloud of numbness hasn't come back.

The memories are still painful but they don't haunt me like they did before.

I feel happy for the first time in ever and there's so much that I want to do now.

I dont want to go back to school.

I'll never get to spend time with Hank or Erin since I'll always be stuck doing stupid homework and catching up on all the work I've missed.

I'll never get to cook again.

OK maybe I'm being a little bit dramatic but still, I won't get to spend as much time with Hank, Erin or the team as I used to be able to and I won't get to cook as often as I do now.

Just the thought of homework and AP Chemistry fills me with dread.

"Addie, hurry up. We need to leave in 10 minutes", Hank shouts from the bottom of the stairs and I internally groan.

I have a doctor's appointment today just to make sure that everything's healed properly eventhough Will said I looked fine the last time he came over to the District to see Jay.

I really don't want to go.

Hospitals and doctors bring back the memories I so desperately want to forget.

I've tried convincing Hank that I don't need to go but he's not budging.

I even tried arguing back and saying that he can't make me go but after a stern warning I quickly backed down.

Im not ready to be on the receiving end of any of Hank's punishments right now.

My palms feel sweaty and my stomach feels heavy as I finally walk down the stairs.

Hank's in the living room on his phone talking to someone so I sit down at the table and try to force myself to eat some plain toast but that only makes me feel more sick so I give up and get up to go put my shoes and coat on so I can wait for him in the car instead.

Hank walks out of the living room just as I finish putting on my coat.

"Hey kiddo, you ready to go?"

I nod as I focus on tying my shoelaces.

Hank sighs as he walks over to me but doesn't say anything as he holds the door open for me.

The car ride is silent but not the comfortable type we usually have.

It's tense and awkward, neither of us knowing what to say to fill the silence.

The awkward silence combined with the memories pushing above the surface puts me on edge and I just want to go back home, preferably to bed.

My state only worsens as I see that we're approaching Chicago Med.