WAKE ME UP

CHAPTER 1

Ben is driving his dad's Escalade, and it feels like he's steering a ship.

"God, I love you," he says through his laughter. I've never known anyone who opens their throat as much as Ben when they laugh. He's a reasonably big guy, but still. The sound is disproportionally huge and uncontainable, and it wraps around me like a blanket.

This isn't the first time he's said how he feels about me, but it's the first time it doesn't catch me by surprise. Actually, it makes me laugh. Maybe because it feels like the strangest moment to say it – in the middle of his open-throated guffaw. Or maybe because I'm so happy.

Ben is happy, too. It's easy to see this. And it's not just the laughing. He does this thing with his tongue. He kinda sticks it out to the side and sorta chews on it. And he sometimes rubs the top of his head. Weird, I know. It's like his scalp is this tingling pleasure spot of happiness.

"You're such a goon," I tease him.

He likes that I know this and no one else does. He chews his tongue and rubs his head. I tell him I love him back.

"Let's keep driving," he finally says. "Let's keep driving and never stop."

I'm not sure what he means exactly. Or if he's really serious about what I think he means. All I know is there's this feeling of possibility in what he's saying.

"Okay," I tell him.

I'm not sure I'm serious either, but it doesn't matter. The idea is out there. It was offered and accepted, and now it will always be possible. Where there was nothing, now there is something.

I'm holding my breath, and I feel weightless.

I'm not even sure where I'm looking at the moment. All I know is we're suddenly drifting. We are crossing the yellow line. The car is breaking through the guardrail and hitting the surface of the water. My head is slamming against the windshield.