Never Forgotten

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

"Car, not now. Please, not now." Maya pleaded, tiredly. "I just want to get home." Carina nodded and helped pull a shirt over Maya's head and helped her put it on, Maya was still not fully able to focus right now. Maya and Carina walked down the stairs and to the parking lot and got home as fast as they could. When they did, Carina guided Maya to their bedroom and helped her under the covers before getting changed herself. She looked at the clock and when she saw that it was 3 am she sighed. She was exhausted herself, but she knew this was hard for everyone. Everyone at the station is affected by this and she didn't know how they were going to get through this. Carina sighed and got into bed and pulled Maya into her arms. When she heard Maya sniffle and then let out a sob, she felt her eyes fill up with tears too.

Carina had been holding Maya in her arms for what felt like hours when she had cried herself to sleep. Carina looked down at her wife. She knew how hard this was going to be for her wife but she had also gotten close to Andy so she was emotional too. Andy had been there for both of them when they needed advice. Carina couldn't believe that Andy was gone. And to a gunshot of all things. A fucking gunshot. Carina remembered how Andy was there when they got engaged. She was also there for Andy when she was staying with them when she was trying to find her own apartment and when she was reeling from the divorce and keeping the papers in their freezer. When Andy came to the station to help with the Toys for Tots gift drive and they had the talks about Robert and Andy. She remembered how before that Maya and she had tried to talk Andy into taking the papers out of the freezer.

"You know, you can't leave your divorce papers in the freezer forever."

"There's no rule that says that."

Carina hated how down she looked and that she and Maya couldn't do anything to help her. She looked down at the station too, but she didn't know what to say when Maya was around and Maya didn't know how to help Andy even though they had been friends for years.

"Okay, we should probably separate the toys by age group so..."

"Am I a masochist?" Andy had interrupted her.

"Or not."

"Is that it? I mean, why do I torture myself by hanging out here?"

"You're not hanging out here. You're volunteering because you love us." Maya had told her playfully, but Carina could tell Andy still had a heavy heart.

Carina sighed, a few tears falling down her cheeks. She furrowed her eyebrows though. She remembered a moment that morning when Beckett had been brought up when Maya talked about how Beckett would hopefully get the boot when promotions happen if any did.

"Beckett's not the problem here." Andy tried to argue.

"No, but he's certainly a problem." Maya had replied.

"Maybe not for you, Herrera but for those of us who have to work with him." Sullivan said and then walked out of the room while Andy looked at his back disbelievingly, eyes staying connected with Sullivan's as he walked out of the room.

Carina was confused. Did something happen between Andy and Beckett? Carina questioned in her head.

"Tell me again why the divorce papers are still in our freezer."

"I don't know. I just I hate the idea of being somebody that cuts and runs." Andy had told Carina, not making eye contact.

"Oh, no. If something doesn't feel good, it's healthy to let it go."

"I think we need more toys." Andy deflected.

"We definitely did not need more toys." Maya had said after Andy was out of the beanery.

Carina wished she could have helped Andy more. She was struggling so deeply, not letting anyone in. She was glad for Andy that day though. She had given her some good advice and she appreciated it, getting advice from someone who knew Maya well. The pair had been putting the wrapped gifts under the tree near the stairs of the station when Andy started to speak, deflecting again from what she was trying to talk about.

"I think It's my mom." Andy had said and Carina had looked up at her while Andy turned away to put more presents under the tree. "I'm afraid to file the papers because then that means I cut and run like my mom, and..and it sounds so dumb to say out loud. Like, "Oh, boo-hoo, my parents wounded me, and all my problems are because of them'." Andy had admitted to her.

"It doesn't sound dumb at all. Well, you're not special. We're all just undoing what our parents did to us." Carina had tried to reason with her when Andy deflected again.

"Okay, well, if you're so wise, why haven't you and Maya told anyone that you're gonna have a baby?"

"Because there is no baby yet. There is not even sperm yet." "

Ah, you're afraid she's gonna change her mind, aren't you?" Andy questioned, a knowing tone in her voice. "

She has massive walls around her heart."

"And she's taking them down. Brick by brick. For you." Andy had told her, trying to get her to see that Maya was willing to do whatever she needed to do for her.

Tears continued to fall down Carina's cheeks. She was heartbroken. She knew she wasn't the closest with Andy. She knew nearly everyone at the station was closer, but she still felt horrible. She had that moment with Andy, and she also thought about that frightful night when Andy ran to them after she had been assaulted by Jeremy. Her skin crawled just thinking about it. She was devasted that Andy went through something similar to what she, and as she found out, Jack had been through. She hated it for her friend. She didn't deserve to be attacked. She didn't want to perform the exam but she also knew Andy would be more comfortable with someone she knew doing it. She remembered the exam so vividly that she hated thinking about it. She remembered how they all stayed with Andy in a bunk room, trying to give her comfort but knowing that she wasn't alone.

Carina sighed and got off the bed. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and went to the kitchen to get a cup of water. She got it and walked into the living room to sit on the couch but when she did she saw a picture of the three of them across from the couch and her eyes welled up again. "we're going to miss you so much, Andy." Carina said while standing up and grabbing the picture and walking back to the couch and broke down into sobs. She was alone, wallowing when she felt Maya sit down beside her and wrap her into a hug. "What are we going to do, Maya?"

"I don't know, Car. I really don't." Maya replied, tears rolling down her cheeks too. "Things are never going to be the same."