Suihei-sen no yōna bakura e

koko wa kiraida

"come to me" 2:36 am

Yui wrote to me after two days. And that's what brings me here at the Okemia's earliest trains. The sation was as deserted as I had hoped. The town I live in, no one goes out no one goes in. One's you're here, you're stuck in a hellhole. Yui lives in the city. A city with fast trains.
January rain has gifted this already frozen borough an year welcoming snowstorm. Sitting in the almost abandoned station I cupped up my hands, one on another. The jacket i had worn was too old to have grip on its pocket's stitches. I thought of having coffee but I doubt I'll find anything near. Plus its 3 in the morning so...

do you know what it feels like to get stuffed a shaggy rag into your mouth? Youve been crying for a while on the bathroom floor and you feel your bones throbbing, your kidney, your brain, the most minute veins in your chest and the spheres of your eyes, all throbbing. you’ve cried enough to clog your nose, throat, mouth. I was on my school bathroom floor, I held my hand against my mouth to conceal my wailing. They must not know i cry. Momoye didnt like watching me cry. And she liked Hiroshi. Hiroshi was the class president, the volleyball team's captain, he helped at the library on the weekends, weak curls, brown rounded eyes, he liked jazz and only ever had cream buns for lunch, toped english but tutored by momo for maths. I had only countable interactions with him. On the bathroom floor writhing in pain, I saw him on his volleyball practice, still in his school uniform which now was soaked, a shorter junior boy throws him the ball 'one more' he says and Hiroshi draws his bow, his serve quickly bounces off the floor and returns to their side of the net, another boy also in his uniform sets the ball and it touches the palm of Hiroshi for a split second before crash landing throat bleak wooden floors, and I no longer see him. Momoye tells another girl with a sickish freckled face to 'make me shut up'. she was crying too, not enough to be sympathic, and I feel the rag passing throughout my tongue and teeth to the end of my throat.

koko wa kiraida...

zenbu... kiraida....