Suihei-sen no yōna bakura e

would it be so awful?

Yui and I have been friends for a year and two months now.
I talked a lot and Yui was a good listener. Yui liked writing, I liked reading. Yui said if his life was a book we'd be complimentary characters. Yui wrote for me from time to time. One of them made it into my bio
"would you, wood-legged man, jump into the typhoon if it had promised you gold tooth? what a beautiful turbulence you are sold to. You'd slip your fingers into carbon jewel, what a beautiful turbulence you oath to."
I didn't know what it was about.

'marraige' Yui said.
'I couldn't tell'

I don't exactly remember when we got so close. He one night texted more enthusiastically 'I had a talk with my father' 'a proper talk'. And that was when he started to talk. He'd get hungry at 12 and would take me to his kitchen on call and make himself an absurd Frankenstein of a dish. He'd get some energy drink which would then spill all over his PC.
I called him up. 'what should I wear?' and it took us 3 hours. He saw me try three different looks. While I did my make up he read aloud Dostoevsky to me.
"Nana!"
"hmm?"
"If humans are so bad, should being bad be a human thing?"
But why should it?
"Nana..?"
"I'm here"
"Would you say I'm a bad person?"
Would I?
"morally?"
"just in general"
I've thought about it lightly before. I wouldn't like Yui. Maybe. I don't know. Yui once beat up a dude for singing in classes. He had a headache, his headaches never leave, so he punched him. straight hit to the face the boy punched back but he was outnumbered. everyone every time is. Yui was never alone. He walked with a herd. Would I say his a good person? maybe... no? But is he a bad person?  no.
"what do ya think?"
"tell me. am I bad?"
"let me do my liner in peace, please"
Why shall Yui be a bad person if it's only human nature to be? Wouldn't I prey on those weaker if I knew I was a capable predator? I know I simply would. Then why would Yui be an exception?
"you're not a bad person, Yui. You're just very... human"
"hmm... then humans are bad?"
"uh, right. Humans are like 2/10"
"I used to like humans"
"haha 'used to'"
"sometimes I remember how hard it was to love them. And when you don't love them anymore, it all becomes just easy"
It was hard to hate Yui.
"Nana?"
He was my friend after all. He was all I had.
"yeah yeah I'm here"
Yui wasn’t 'open-hearted' as Mamma says. He gifted gifts a lot. He cared a lot. He asked if I had drunk enough water. And he'd pick up somehow if I was down and he'd call me up for a game. Yui was lovely. Yui was an experience you don't experience a lot in your life. When he'd be excited for a game and talked a lot himself and I couldn't bring myself up to his energy cause Momoye scissored my goddamn hair I felt guilty when I shouldn't have. I'd wish if he hadn't called at all. I'd wish he'd stop trying. I'd wish he'd stop caring. Just for one day. Just for one moment. Does that make me a bad friend? Why don't I feel like changing even if when I know it makes me a bad person?
No one knew me better than Yui did. And I hated that.

"Yui? Do you like me?"
"you're my friend, it would be odd if I didn’t"
"you know what I meant"
"haha, would it be so awful if I did?"

It would be.

"I'm here"  4:48 a.m.

"Okay listen"
"go to the back there's
flight of iron steel stairs"
"it's the backdoor"
4:48 a.m.

I was there finally. The stairs led to a balcony and there were his glass sliding doors, the ones to his room. Yui, and there was Yui.
Yui wasn’t that tall. Black moderately long hair. And oddly enough, very beaten up. He sat on the floor and gleamed his eyes at me when I entered. "NANA!"
"YUI! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU-"
"GOD SHUT UP SIT DOWN!"
"OKAY?"
Yui said he wanted to hug me at first but figured he's too beaten up. "don't worry, me too"

"god, you don't sound anything like your call voice?"
"shut up"
"what's its like? running away?" he couldn't look up in one eye, it was swollen shut.
"amazing"
"haha right"
The silence was expected but there was little awkwardness to it.
"so about what happened, right-"
"right?"
"uhh so... I kinda injured my little sister"
"YUI-"
"SHH"
"yui what the fuck"