Suihei-sen no yōna bakura e

Silk pillows

When the train arrived it screeched almost cartoonishly. Though the outside was rugged, the inside was surprisingly nice. Neat and pretty. I sat there not noticing if there was others around. My anxiety had taken over my consciousness and I lay there a mummy. What am I doing?

I never had friends. For those I had, we shared a mutual disliking towards each other. I'd be loved by no one thus no one shall be loved by me. Though I had a faint memory of being friends with Momoye. I dont exactly remember what she was like back then. Maybe she was as horrible as today. Or maybe she wasn’t. 'Nature versus nurture' why does it fucking matters. Maybe she was nice but how power does it hold when she's monstrous now. Rei and Momoye are friends now. I remember Rei, as vividly as of yesterday. I could never forget her. Rei was loud, humorous, friendly, she was a picture people would point out in the picture book 7 years from now and they'll tell other how fun this tinseled hair girl was. Rei was youth. My youth. Rei had friends, tons. And as of always when she loved me I hated her. I dont know why I did. I didnt hate her completely, I loved her, as much as one could love. Loving her was active while despising her was passive. Despise. I despise my own existence, as much as I despised all, her. Rei was the first friend I took to my house. Rei was the first friend who took me to their house. And Rei's house was white, gold framed mirrors, and white. Rei's mother was lovely. Rei's father lived abroad. Rei's pillows were silk. She said it was for her curly hair. Rei's hair is still curly. I crashed a plastic soda bottle onto Momoye's head after picking myself from the bathroom floor. I wasnt mad. I wasnt quite sad either. It simply felt right. Rei's grabbed by my hair, kicked me in my stomach. But I couldn't. Silk pillows. Rei's hair was soft when she was 9. I wonder if its still the same.