Suihei-sen no yōna bakura e

late spring

"Nana... you're here"
When I looked up, I saw Yui finally looking at me.
"Yui's not my name"
"hah I guessed"
"right? It's Etsuko... you know what Etsuko means? Joyous child... Omma name me. So.. hah.. ironic"
"Nanako.. means red apple"
"right? You like red apples"
"I do"
"ahh... there's a pocket knife. Swiss army or whatever they're called, my father bought for me when I was 12. It'll be on my desk, top cabinet"
It was an easy find.
"Nana... when I talk to Katsu, I feel awful... I feel like living... guilty for wanting to die"
Katsu was Yui's best friend. Yui talked about Katsu the most.
"-but with you... I feel okay... okay to be dying"
What do I make out of that?
"Nana..."
'stop calling my name please'
"Would you join me?"
'I don’t want to listen to your voice'
"if I were to leave"
"leave??"
"Nana... if we both die right now, do you think we'd be reborn together-"
"shut up... please"
"do you think we'd meet again?" "nana" "dont cry" "if we don't, I'd still find you... I'll try my best"
"Yui... what are you talking about" I wouldn't know if I was crying, but I mustve. Words became harder and harder to speak out, Yui's face got blurrier and blurrier. His hands were rough, strong, clasped around mine, pointing the knife neatly to his heart.
"nana... if we were reborn" I do not remember when the knife dug deeper "and if I were reborn a proper man," he must've been hurt, "would you marry me then?" he must've been crying. The knife was turned to me, pointed neatly. A stab is nice. Better than kicks and punches. It's sharp but quick, precise, and beautiful.
"I guess it wouldn’t be too awful"
Yui smiled lastly.
I saw my cat, Kuna, she was beige and white. Pure and pretty. Prettier than other cats. Her eyes were green. Pappa loved her. Momma didn't as much but still voluntarily bought toys for her. Kuna died quick. Momma cried the most. It was my first time losing someone I loved. I wondered when I die, if I'd be able to see Kuna again.
I too smiled lastly.
Maybe the sun was out in a few minutes after that. Shined brightly through the huge glass doors. Maybe it fell on us. Our conjoined rotten bodies. Maybe it was much later on when Yui's grandmother came into his room asking him if he wanted breakfast is when we were discovered. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe the sun didn't shine. Maybe it rained again. Maybe.