Reborn ↣ Simon "Ghost" Riley

chapter three - interrogate .

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As a year passed, Ella found herself healing, if only bit by bit and most definitely not linearly. The gym had become just short of an obsession for her, and her body reflected that. With more frequent, longer trips to the grocery store she had finally been eating the diet plan Laswell had a dietician draft for her, and paired with regular exercise her muscles had started to grow. No longer was she that frail, gaunt, ghost of a girl. The few remaining wounds she had returned with had largely healed up nicely, and she regularly applied scar cream to the more prominent ones along her body.

Alongside her body, her mind had begun to heal as well. The trips to Doctor Philip were less and less of a mission, until she found she rather enjoyed her sessions. At the start it was slow with only brief and minor mentions of her past, and instead discussions on how her life was going after the fact, but bit by bit she had gradually begun to open up. Before she knew it, she was spilling her heart out on what had happened to her.

It was dark. She didn't enjoy the way she felt when talking about it, nor the vivid images her mind forced her to relive, but with the reassurance of her therapist she knew that it was needed in order to help her process and move on.

Her biggest motivation to recover had come from her therapist during one of their sessions. Ella was sat on her usual couch, across from the dark haired happy woman who had come to know so much about her life, and their weekly hour was coming to a close.

The hour had been yet another uncomfortable one, with Ella's heart still guarded under lock and key. She didn't like talking, and she certainly hated talking about her time in Afghanistan. Not once did the Doctor push her to talk about what happened, but she picked up on the gentle questioning, the tentative guidance, and each time she tried she felt the familiar closing of her throat, or even worse the prick of tears behind her eyes.

"I really want to get back on the field." She admitted, after her therapist had asked her what she wanted to do in the future.

"Laswell suspected as much," Doctor Philip smiled, her teeth incredibly white for a woman who drank so much coffee, "and it is possible."

"As soon as I'm healthy and can pass the fitness test again." That had been her mantra over the weeks since she had begun going to the gym regularly. To just push herself and her body until she became healthy once again. And then she'd be allowed back on the field.

"Yes, but also once you're mentally recovered too." Always gentle with her words, Ella had almost missed the weight behind them.

"What do you mean?" Her brows furrowed, slender hands gripped onto her coffee cup.

"Once I clear you, you'll be allowed to go for your fitness check up, and if you pass that you can re-enlist." Noticing how her body tensed up, the Doctor gently asked, "Did Laswell not tell you this?"

Ella simply shook her head no. In hindsight, she didn't understand why she had the assumption that if she regained her fitness alone she'd be allowed to re-enlist. It made sense that they wouldn't allow her back in the field if she was still suffering mentally, and her fear of men would prove to be a setback in a career predominantly occupied by them.

It had proved to be the push she needed to force herself out of her shell and to open up. Although it terrified her, the mere thought of opening up about what she had endured causing her palms to become clammy and her blood to run ice cold, she knew she had to do it. At the end of the day, her doctor was there to help her, and just like every other problem in her life, she would face it head on.

She was done with letting them hurt her. They had stolen half a year from her, and she would not let them take another day.

Since then, her sessions had begun to confront her past and the way it affected her daily life. Obviously, the largest of these problems being her aversion to men. Her fear around their presence had grown, from causing panic attacks to triggering her fight or flight response.