my brother's best friend

chapter xxv

“women like us can't escape being miserable”
through elise hampton

i inhaled rapidly as a way to make my heavy breath reach my racing chest. i was panicking about it all – the wedding, devyn and specially my mother.

i was uncertain about my desire to marry nicholas. i was uncapable of loving him, giving us a title that will not be respected was foolish. if we continued with this play, i would end up miserable.

a sigh ran through my bitten lips. i was already miserable, however i had hope. i could finish my degree, befriend someone and fall in love again. i was hopeful that this sadness would dissipate with my tears.

confident with my choice, i steadily walked downstairs. i noticed my mother's presence on the poarch of our backward. her pointy stilettos were the first to contact with my gaze.

my feet paused besides her. the identical blue of her eyes met mine and, with a rise of an eyebrow, she commented.

"is there anything you need?"

my eyes fell on the dry martini on her hand as she bobbled it to each side by the fraction of a second.

"i have concluded that" my tongue ran through my lips "i am calling off the engagement"

after my sentence, i saw her eyelids shut tiredly. she stopped her hand movements and uncrossed her legs.

"why is that?"

"i don't believe it would work out"

"is it the real motive?" before i could respond, she interrupted "or do you think this will punish me?"

my eyebrows rose at her comment and i fisted my hands, the sharp end of my nails piercing my skin.

"it has its similarity to the situation with your brother. he upsets you and you decide to sleep with his bestfriend. how courageous of you"

i blinked tightly, her words stinging my swollen heart.

"you will not call off the engagement, i have endured too much from you just for you to change your intentions days from the wedding" her cold voice made a growing anger take over me.

"you can't control me"

she chuckled, a satire smile hanging on her painted mouth.

"oh i can, elise. you are my daughter" her sickly sweet voice spoke. i am tired of this, of her manipulation.

"no" i said with force "you can't determinate every aspect of my life, you have to understand that–"

before i could finish my saying, my eyes clenched tightly at the sudden crash besides me. i fell to the ground, my legs giving in.

my bone contacted with the ground harshly. i ignored the pain as my eyes searched for the source of the striking sound.

gulping firmly, i saw the once martini glass in shatters along the tiles of the floor. flicking my eyes towards the towering figure of my mother, i felt an absence of words.

and then it downed on me, i feared my own mother.

tears pricked on the corners of my eyes as it blurred my vision. was it aimed to hit me?

i held my sobs once she cleared her throat and muttered "i knew i shouldn't have birthed you since the beginning"

i met her gaze and i never saw it... so cruel. it was utterly cold, disgusted even.

"your father always wanted a daughter but i" she pointed a finger at her open chest "i knew you would be a burden and i was right" she clenched her teeth.

"you are useless in every fucking way – you can't work, you can't behave and you can't even open your legs to the right men" her hysterical voice shouted at me. endless tears rolled along my cheeks, my weak hand uncapable to wipe them all.

"and all of it for what? to not be miserable" her own tears fell through her face, i stood up with the help of my frail frame. i couldn't hear more, i just couldn't.

"women like us can't escape being miserable" her yell reached my figure.

"well maybe i shouldn't have been born" a striking pain attacked my heart.

"i shouldn't have listened to your father all those years ago"

i sucked a deep breath of air before my feet carried my defeated body away.

my father's talk achieved the distance i had put between me and my mother.

was it true? was i a burden to them all? i was meant to marry ever since birth but yet, i failed every time.

i let my sobs run free as my face planted into my pillow. i made their lives miserable with my presence, would they be happy without me? without my voice during dinner? without my hangover frustration? without the annoyance i had became? without my lies?

i really wanted to believe they didn't but wasn't it obvious? my family wouldn't miss me, devyn hates more than i do myself and nicholas, nicholas is doing me a favor. i am trapping him into an unwanted marriage, he questioned me if i regret it. of course, i was too self-centered to understand he was the one with doubts.

i am so stupid. it would be so much easier if it just ended, if my suffering disappeared, if i disappeared.

they would all be happy. my parents could finally have the freedom and the status they have been chasing, christopher wouldn't have to defend them, nicholas would keep himself available, juliette and all of my friends would continue with their lives. and devyn.

a special pang hurt my heart at the mention of his name. devyn would fall in love with someone who wouldn't lie and treat him like a mean to an end.

how did i turn out to be such a horrible person? i had dreams, honest dreams.

my dream wasn't to die, it was to help other people, marry the love of my little life.

what am i even thinking?

i sat up, burying my head into my hands. i am not dying because of my mother, i simply am not.