The Guily Ones

Go Home, Your Drunk

"Out!"

"That's not how it works—" He laughed coldly.

"I don't give a damn. I said GET OUT!"

With more strength than I would have thought I possessed, I shoved Eric, actually managing to throw him off balance enough that he no longer towered over me like a ... well a tower I guess.

His, or rather my, bathrobe was starting to come undone, but at that moment, I didn't care. Whatever was happening between us was overwhelming me—and seemed to displease him most of the time too. I couldn't predict how he would react to the next shift in mood. One way or another the air between us was charged to a degree that had us both on edge. I wanted him out of my apartment immediately, before the slightest spark, an unwise word, a wrong move, would set us aflame. 

Frustrated, I pushed Eric quite unsuccessfully ahead of me. If I hadn't been so angry, confused, scared, and desperate, I probably would have laughed. Every time my hands touched his naked skin in an attempt to push him out of my apartment, he got a dreamy expression and almost stumbled willingly toward the door. When I let him go, he was back to being the cold, sarcastic Eric that everyone loved. Like someone switching between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Had he hit his head or something?

He stopped again in the middle of the living room. Confused, he shook his head, like a wet dog, which almost made me laugh. His mood swings were rubbing off on me. Great.

Eric swayed turned around and stared at me intently. I furrowed my brow. He seemed to be having trouble focusing on me. "Damn. I think I'm high!"

The statement surprised me for more than one reason, and I let go of him. First of all, Eric would never openly admit to being at fault. His ego was too big for that. And second...

"You're a vampire. You can't be high..."

He smiled belatedly, piercing his lower lip with his fangs. He furrowed his eyebrows before sucking on his lower lip like a toddler would a pacifier.

I resisted the urge to ask him if he was enjoying himself. "Or maybe you are?"

He really seemed drunk. He giggled.

He giggled!

Okay, vampires could get high.

"I'm a vampire! Grrrrr," he slurred, smiling at me before winking.

Now I chuckled, which Eric took as a compliment, proudly puffing out his chest in front of me.

No. Stop it, Ash. Don't encourage him, you want to get rid of him, forget about him?

I pulled myself together and tried to talk to him as seriously as possible.

"You wanted to go home!", I reminded him. 

He looked at me with wide eyes. "Oh, yeah. Of course..."

Nothing happened. I tilted my head.

"Just one question... Where's that again?"

He fell strangely helpless onto my sofa, his face contorted.

Could this really be happening, or was he just messing with me? Could something like this happen? Spontaneous drunkness? Like spontaneous combustion? Then again, I didn't know where he had been at before. Maybe there was something like a vampire opium den nearby or something? He had said he'd had business to attend to near by... 

Deep in thought, I went to the phone, feeling Eric's eyes rather innocently follow my moves with his eyes on my back. Then I stopped and stared at the phone. Who the hell should I call about something like this?